for the band.

SAJC CONCERT BAND TUNE-IN

17th November 2008

All sec 4 band members are encouraged to join us on this day!

Just come in your school attire. Dont be shy and take this once in a lifetime opportunity to play and have fun with us for an entire day.

See you there at SAJC!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

;D

contact me or any other SAJC Band members for other details.

ask. (:

i like typing in Blogger. HAHAHA.
random entry yes? (:

wokae.
ask me my new link and i'll gladly give it to ya.
so dont shy.

i'll update again if i do get promoted this yr.

ciao.

happy birthday. (:

hello you,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

still watching

to those who still drop by and not in the know yet,
ive moved. (:

yes, finally.
to all those who remained fillial to this blog for the past 4 yrs(whaaat, so long?!), thank you.

i'll update here as and when i think there are things that need publicity. heh.

to hanyang,
i've no idea whether you do drop by here but if you do, it wont kill if you just try. im still waiting and hoping. im clueless about who, what and where you are now. i figured this is the only place i can somehow(or rather), communicate to you. yes, weird much? i know, just dont ask.

kthnx.

catch me if you can.
ciao.

time for some commercialisation again.

FESTIVAL WINDS + BRASSES 2008

Victoria Concert Hall

$16/tix, 7.30p.m

includes, the St. Patricks Military Band, St. Andrews School Military Band, St. Andrews Junior College Concert Band and many more!

A CONCERT NOT TO BE MISS!

e-mail: luv_teen@hotmail.com

or ask any of the above stated band members.

be there or be square!

:D

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3

zomg zomg. i cannot wait.

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3,

SENIOR YEAR.

COMING TO THEATRES.

(yes, not disney channel, but moooovieee.)

how cool issat?!
call me childish but HSM has got to be the best thing Disney's ever produced.

yayyayyay!

OCTOBER QUICKLY COME!

i hate my father.
truly,madly,deeply.

he's out to make my world depressing. roar. i dont get the point of u controlling our freedom esp mine! im not a wild party girl who has ahbengs as friends. i've NEVER smoke, NEVER drank. i dunno why he has to control all my doings. and all he does is control me. fuck authority. im a SEVENTEEN yr old kid for gods sake. you grow up. and i have a valid reason man. i dont get adults. when we're honest, they dont allow us. thats the bloody reason we LIE asses. cos when we lie, we get our way. but no. when im honest, you shout at me and dont give the respect i deserve. why the freaaaak?! i can choose to publicise ur 1001 bad deeds but i know thats not right. see. if someone like me can distinguish, why cant you?! a 40+ yr old man. it irks me how you gain satisfaction when we dont get to go out. urghhhh. annoys me when brag about things. shittttt.

I HATE YOU.

i miss the father i knew 2-3 yrs ago. where i can tell you about my whole damn life and you'd at least listen to me and advise me. i dont understand how come i feel so distant with you now.

damn it.
life sucks.

a final say.

hey peeps! (:

its gonna be last entry in here and im just gonna say something important to one and all who knows his blog. anw, if you dont know yet. YES, IM IN SAJC BAND. o.O i know, i know some of you will like detest me and all that but i wanna say that i went into band normally. not by appeal or anything like that. andandand... i join because its really my passion. hearing the band play during orientation reminded me of being in Swiss Winds. i just cannot let myself not join band.

its something about the bonding, something about the late practices, something about sitting in the chair for hours, something about playing that instrument, something about playing the same phrase over and over again to just get it right, something about being so fucked up when you cannot play but when u finally can, you just dont want to stop playing. something about going through the ups and downs together as one big family. something that gives all the joy in the world. band never fails me in other words.

thats why i join band. and god kows how torn i was whilst deciding. i feel like i disappoint lots of ppl when i did that but i really cannot see myself in a life without band. i may not bond with the ppl there so well yet, but im working on it. its a total different experience and standard. makes me more motivated i must say. so, pls understand ok. playing under mr.G is not bad really. something like mr.C. -strict, disciplined and always thinking of ways to be special, different and THE BEST.

hence, with this. i urge you all to go for:
SAINTS E MUZICA

(Once Upon A Time)

7.30p.m

Victoria Concert Hall

18.05.07

i think its really one of a kind. its different than any of the bands i know who are doing musical also. we really, act, sing, dance and play music. i really encourage you to go cos its really something special. i applaud the cast, crew and everyone for working so hard on this musical. plsplspls go. it'll change what all of you think. and tix are selling out fast. its really a lost if you dun come and see. im not kidding. andand... i really wanted to go for the other jc band concerts eg AJC & CJC. but i had plans on those days. ): but for real, SA's is different and something you nvr seen. so go! (i think its reallllyyyy GOOD, thats why im promoting!)

so, COME AND JOIN US!
contact me or any other SAJCCB memebers! :D

the very reason i cried today.
i miss 4E4 so baaaad.
and everything else about SCSS.

suck balls. ):
I WISH I HAD MR KAMAL AS MY HISTORY TEACHER STILL. ):
its not that my current hist teacher sint gd, he's just weird.
i had to dig out my Malayan Pre-war Nationalism notes just to understand that chap. and i look at the amount of notes and scribbles at the side and i knew i had learn more from him than 1 month on the same chap in jc. omfg.

day out with GFs was awesome! (:

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
-impossible.

SECONDHAND SERENADE- Vulnerable. (:

gonna jsut update about random stuffs here.
no more emoshit, exposing my naked truth to one and all.
hahahaha.

JJC's coucil election just ended.
omg. Gd luck for one an all who ran for elections!
i look forward to see the 'o2 shadows get elected. (:
( i miss those times alottt! omg. words cant express.)

im gonna go.
offcially moved to livejournal today!
i still prefer blogger lehh.
but, have to get use to it. (:

hey!
im blogging here cos somethings wrong wit LJ. it gets a lil complicated cos i've been using blogger for a good 3 yrs? yeaah. ok, main reason im blogging... i cant find the drive/motivation to do my PI. i've been home since 5.30 but nothing's been touch. all i've done is hear more SECONDHAND SERENADE songs! they're awesome yo! falling in love with them day by day. finally found an artiste from my most favourite genre. oh yeaa. im gonna buy an ipod like sooooon ok? haha. anyone who wanna sell their ipod, and allow me to bargain, pls tell me! i cant stand the puny space in my hp. suckss. and the sound isnt all that wonderful either. ):

oh well. schools been getting better. and i've gotta thank god for that. half of me sometimes just wanna drop out from SAJC and go to a poly. but, i've chosen this path so just suck it up and go all the way. i hate morning rainy days like today. it dampens everyones mood. ): but... haha. im glad there are ppl like Han and Alan in the class who nvr fail to make the class smile each day.

anw, ytd night seem to be all but a dream. (:
lets do random outings oftenly. hee.

i miss cheltton tan!
dinner sooooooooooooooon. grrr.

ever wondered why somethings dont go your way sometimes? i always do. everything seems to be in such a disarray that sometimes i feel like giving up on every single thing. and on the other hand, i dunno whats this force that keep telling me to press on and just keep going. at the end of the day, i come out a stronger person. i've realise so many things this past few months about myself. i dont really like it cos its all too sudden. i'm foreseeing this yr to be one hell of a journey cos as far as i can see, nothing seems to be going as planned. for once, i refuse to beleive in fate.

alrighty. gtg do my PI.
i miss alot of ppl really.
i miss SWISS COTTAGE alot! like truckloads. i miss walking that path from bt gombak to sch. i miss climbing to the 4th floor every morning. i miss seeing Bowen and all the other early birds face in the morning. i miss all the late afternon remedial classes. i miss chionging maths hmwk with nicholas, kenneth and the rest. i miss turning my head and talking to audrey. i miss mr kamal's history classes. i miss that huge band room. i miss sitting at my sections place. i miss doing sectionals at the sec3 block. i miss going back on 187. i miss going for hmt classes. i miss 4E4, SWISS WINDS. 4 yrs seem to have just flown by.

-how about you reply my msg now?! )): argh.
(why do i even wait?)

so breathe in so deep
breathe me in
i'm yours to keep...

thanks for hearing me out. (:

must i really, always pretend?

what an awesome night it would have it been.
day out after sch wit izzati was awesome.
im glad we can call each other bitch randomly and none of us get offended. i dunno why.
somehow, i always know what she talks about and she always know what i talk about.
for eg, we see "cells" when we look up in the sky! -.-
hahaha. got me laughing that someone actually understands the feeling.
and of course, we know the feeling of scandalising. =x
haha. i'm glad we always relate and come down to the same conclusion.
and i somehow always give her the best advices and she gives me the best too.
find me someone who will just sit and listen to my whole 10 day love story and still ask questions. and thats gonna be her. haha.
i love how Han describes the way she talks today.
RFOL. damn hilarious. :D
so.... there's a reason she's me bestfriend no?

oh well, seems i've dedicated one long post to her.
haha. (:
gtg study for econs test now.
and do my tutorials.
zzz...

- i miss the two of you like no end. ):

SWISS SERENADE '08 was awesome!
:DDD
i really wished i was up on tht stage with the others exactly as i was two yrs ago! splendid, terrific! GD JOB SEC4s! WELL DONE!
i really didnt expect such standards. (:
i love SWISS WINDS still.
i long for that kin of feeling when i play with others... -.-

SWISS WINDS!
(: -my greatest joy!

saw so many ppl tht i've missed!
AZIMAH! melissa, saki, madan, JIAYI!, janielson, sailesh, yaozu!
yesyes. shanghai ppl! haha. (:
i love em still and i'll always do.
saw lots of common faces.
so much of me still wanna remain in SCSS nvr move on.
such an awesome night.
i really have nothing to say but im proud of SWISS WINDS!

i didnt even dare see ****'* face cos i knew i had well disappointed him. the feelings just sucks. i chose that path bcos of my passion and i hope its good.

i'll upload the pics soon.
oh yaa. ive created my livejournal acc.
see u guys oveer there when im prepared. (:
cheerios!

school was as per normal today.
nothing intrestg goes on anw in my life. haha.
hmm.. forgive me for this but i have nothing to say but emo things. so bear with me and just dont read. read thorugh my previous posts. it has been so many days,months and years. i wanna change to livejournal or wordpress. its getting a lil too public and mundane.

saw AISYAH today! (:
the most awesome feeling in the world! after months of not seeing her, i felt like talking to her so much. haha. i love her lotsss. really. my best freinds are minahs! hahaha.

forgive me for this again, but i feel like i need to say something.
i'll update ess regularly from now on...
cherios.

i still wanna hear your voice, feel your embrace. its just so hard to see others and then be reminded of what we use to have. its been so long. i've past the stage of being angry, now im just so terribly upset over what we happened. if only things could change, if only god will ansswer my prayers. i really do feel that i i need you more than anything else. i almost cried on the way back home ytd, as i walk alone in the darkness. i felt like i was being watched, but it was some kind of presence that i can never ever feel anymore. its like you just linger like a shadow in the midst of the night...

how about we pray like theres no tmr?

theres only so much i can put my hopes on...

p/sssss: if you asked me whether im in band, i'll say no. (:

my blogs getting wordier...
so there. the top pic is my time serving in JJC as a SHADOW!
best times of my life- learnt alot, met new ppl, perhaps something i will never experience again.
2nd pic. MLL class peeps.
i miss them alot too. ):

ok. i'll try to add more pics into my entries but the only prob is i still cant figure out how to shift my photos to the comp. zzz..

tmr sch's ending pretty darn late.
totally forget abt the rehearsal tmr. but oh well..
i bet its gonna be a waste of time again since im totally not involved. =x

i shall go and sleep.
im completed econs at least today! (:
and.. i should really go dieting and stop eating alot.
i feel so faaaattt. gonna totally flunk my NAPFA test. urghh.

maybe somethings are not meant to be said.
how about singing "just so you know" to make you understand? no?

i can only anticipate... and wait.

ytd's day out with suffian was NEEDED.
met at bugis and then had lunch.
once done, head down to esplanade to chill.
i love it there.
haha. chilling seems to be the only fun thing we do! haha. (:

ohoh. and ALAN!
thanks for helping me out with the GC stuffs.
:D hee.

i wish i can be more than that. i wish im worth so much more in your eyes. i wish i'd have the courage to look into your eyes and then tell you how i feel all over again. i guess we're too scared to move on. to afraid to explore cos we've been too comfortable with what we used to have. but now, that its all over, why dont we take a leap of faith? i dont want to be just a friend. i want to be more than that.now you know?

just realise what i just realise,
we never have to wonder if we
missed out on each other.
its not the same,
its NEVER the same
if you don't feel it too.

day out today was amazingly fun! (:
went to sch wit Han again today cos izzati was late!
~lalala.

i did somthing real bad ytd and im TOTALLY not prepared eyy. i feel disgusted/horrible/terrible. but, at least i know now! hahas. =x

going by the long forgotten bt bus route this few days sucksss ok.
it brings back damn lots of memories. dun ask me why i have to keep going back there. wit the exception of ytd though. SHIQI went back with me. (: she's damn hilarious lahhh! haha.

tmr gonna have band then gonna get me GC.
hehehe. :D
Alan is being very mean now. ): omg. he refuse to tell me!! ahhh!

ytd, went to NJC.
saw ilyas! and...........
HISYAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDD
omfg. my mind went blank went i saw him. and when we spoke! haha. best-est moment of my life! he look so, cute/handsome/hot in AC's uniform! hahaha!

ok. random stuffs now.
i rmb asking you to give me and answer on why he left me back then. and i need to thank you god, cos you've answered my prayers in the most amazing way possible. i need to thank you for this blessing and i can nvr ask for more. (: whatever happens, give me a chance STILL, to make it right wit him. cos i need to... i feel the urge to just ask once and for all before i totally lose control of everything.

GIVE ME THE COURAGE TO TALK TO MS HO TMR SO THAT I CAN **** ****. )):

it just...

i dont like this.
whoever is the one commenting on that post just say your name lahh. and dont make it sound as if i dont like Swiss Winds. i still do ok. and playing with Swiss Winds 2 yrs ago perhaps was the best times of my life. i just stated one small fact and ppl have to say like that. worst, i think i know who is it. ): ......... you really dunno the difference and how it feels eh.

i screwed my maths test.
suck balls lahhhhh.
haha. ok, im to blame.
but oh well..
an true to wat suffian said, i wont wake up at night and true enough i didnt. hahaha. i should just go and die. =x

haha. a wave can do so much! :DDDD
LOL. i was literally smiling throughout econs lecture cos just before i entered the CC for lecture, i saw Emannuel. poor izzati had to bear wit my excitement. HAHA.

- i slept with a foolish sheepish grin on my face ytd.
(a girl can dream. no?) hahaha. (:

went to school today! super tiring.
SAS Military Band is OMFG!!
they train untill the night even on saturdays!
and thier sound is like so gooood.
and the level of determination and commitment is so amazing.
comparing, SWISS WINDS was no wear close to them.
butbut.
i love SWISS WINDS still. heee. :D
im just so shock by the difference.

saw SAJC Soccer Girls having a match.
they're goooood!
then i saw SAJC Soccer Boys having training.
saw Han & JemOng. haha!
didnt see Jasper though.
then i saw KHYM! :DDD
she shouted my name and i was like stunned! haha.
(: i love going back to sch on saturdays.

collected SAJC's blazer today too.
its nice! haha.
i've never even worn Swiss's blazer. =x
i took a weird journey back home.
i board 985 from the schools bus stop and then alighted at King Albert's park bus stop. then i switch and took 961 all the way home. zzz... i dunno why i did that. im serious. but it was a journey i havent take for very long already. so, it feels good. i didnt sleep nor read a bk. just stoned and look out of the window. hmm, i guess i like long bus rides. (:

i found out another girl who's eyecandy is Emannuel.
zzz. =.="""
haha.

with every word.

heyyo! (:
been a long time since i blog.

ive alot of things to say!
haha. i saw Emmanuel lots of times today!
:DDDD
LOL.
and i know who WENG's gf is.
and i know who CHARLENE's bf is too.
haha.
yesyes, im kepo.
but! i rarely bitch abt ppl! hahaha. (:

random: i miss ELWIN still... ):

what i did ytd was omfg. i couldnt beleive i did it either.(no! i didnt do anything "physical"!) haha. butbut.. hearing your voice after so veryyyy long is like.. i dunno. how do i put it in words? its like a knife that reopens your wounds. it feels good but it hurts all the same. the familiarity of everything that come with it. feels like i was in my comfort zone. i just still wonder and think aobut how life goes on for you. so many times i wish things could have been better. if i love u still i should have fought for it so bad, the way u did last time. but i couldnt be bothered, so its my fault? yes, i didnt love as much as i did last time. but.. i miss you. ):

having someone to love feels good,
but being LOVED is a feeling you never want to give up.

I CANT GO FOR FUN-O-RAMA TMR! ))):
its my biggest regret luhh.
-.-

im just typing random stuff.
i miss talking to JIAYI. hees.

the way that i love you

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

I woke up kind of early today
And something told me from that moment it wouldn't be the same
It felt like you were hiding something
But I didn't push it, I didn't complain, or say nothing
Tried to act like I didn't see cause deep down I knew I didn't want to believe it
But there it was, it was you and her, you left your sidekick on the night stand and
I read Everything you did and everything you said
Now I'm standing here looking like damn
I thought it was you and I
Now all I got to say is why...

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

I notice now that when I'm around you be trying to lock the door whispering on the phone
Now wait a minute since we've been in this house you ain't never did this before tell me what's this about
I tried to sit and said to myself this here is too good he don't want nothing else
But there is was, it was you and her, you left the credit card receipt inside the Beemer
And everything you bought and everything you spend
And now I'm here once again
I thought it was you and I
Now all I got to say is why...

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

You lied
You lied
Oh why why (yeah)
Why you have to lie to me
Why you have to lie to me
Why you have to lie to me (why)

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

beautiful song! (:
hmm... todays day out with firqin and renee was nice. i would watch SKY OF LOVE over and over again if i had the time and $$. haha. a must watch for ppl who are "lovey-dovey"/emotional. strictly not for insensitive boys! haha. (: dwld many songs today. nothing much to say though.

oh, seeing your nick hurts so bad. i wonder who it is. who's the lucky one this time round? yes, im sad. but if i love you, i should let you go if it makes you happy.

"if you are meant to be with sombody, he will come back to you someday"

-go away before i start to CRY.... ):

i wish i watched LEAP YRS.
-its better to have love and lost then not to have loved at all. (:

-this time i let you go so i can be free, and live my life the way it should be. no matter how hard it is, i'll be fine without you.

too much to handle?

i figured that life's too short.
(its gonna be a long post so dont bother!)

there are just so many things to do every single day that when you ignore them, it becomes worst. i dont know. it seems weird when you finally sit down and look back at what life has in store, what you went through, its amazing that things happen so quickly, you dont even have time to appreciate them. i've learnt alot. from my past esp. thanks to so many people. (:

while clearing my room today,
i stumbled across so many things.
thus, i spent ONE WHOLE DAY stumbling, pondering, reading, thinking, reflecting on alot of things. found things from waaaay back since pri. sch days.

i found my ex bestfriend photo; AISYAH.
i'm clueless bout where she is now, but i do miss her lots. all those days in primary school. liking the same boys, eating the mee soto with lotsa chilli, cracking jokes, copying hmwk, envying each others result. so much. (: i really hope i'll bump into her soooon. saw her pics in glenda's blog. so i figured out, she's working at swensens's too. hahs.

found lots of different diary i used to had.
god, there was alot! haha.
from the 1st to yan to marcus... -.-
i had ALOT to say. reading thorugh it was like being in a time capsule.
i found the diary me, izzati and fizzah used to have too!
omg. so much memories. so childish they way we wrote. hahaha. i feel like relieving those days cos beleive it or not, it was the best times of my life, and i could never click with anyone better other that the 2 of them. i mean all 3 of us was so perfect together, in my opinion. but of course, things change, people change. im glad it happen and now, that its over... well, (: amazingly enough, i didnt have a single entry on any diary about han yang. i dont know why. perhaps, i was too caught up with blogging that time, i'd rather type it then write it down. either way, it helps alot in moving on. (:

and... in one of my pri. sch diary, i saw SAMUEL WANG'S name in 2 of them. hahaha! i laugh out loud to myself when i read the entry. i use to hate him so much, but at the end of p.6, he was in my "Gold" friend list. (: LOL.

ok. so my table's cleared!
no more o'level post-its on the walls, threw away ALL my chem, geog & e.maths notes. they have no relevance to my future! hahaha. (:

well, i've been missing out in alot of happenings.
truthfully, i miss a friend alot.
a GIRLfriend that is. )):

ok, my entry stops here. i think if you've been reading it, you've wasted 5 mins of yor life again! haha. anw, i know ALOT of ppl read my blog, but nobody tags! haha. ppl like andrea, jasmine, audrey, renee and iskandar! haha. but its ok. (:

I MISS 4E4 ALOT!!! ))):

- cos in your eyes i see my future in an instant.

fallin harder. LITERALLY.

omg. im tired.
but wait!

IM DONE WITH GP ESSAY AND PW HMWK!
:DDDD
you dunno how releif i am.
i was trying so hard to not sign into MSN!
and i did it! haha. (: thank god!

ok. lets start with happy stuff.
.
.
.
wait. theres not much.
oh ya! this morning was fun! yeaa. (:
*funny wat fate has in store.
haha.

i think i'm talking crap.
oh. my leg and neck have a bad bruise on it. ):
and its hurting alot cos i cant move my neck and leg as freely.
and its all because of HAN!!!
dat rock solid body of his... -.-
haha. i bumped into him during captains ball ytd.
he jumped, i jumped for the ball and....
ok. crash! haha.
it didnt impacted him in anyway but i instantaneously fell to the ground.
omg. hahahaha!
i was like: "eyy.. wat ur mum give u eat ah?"
haha. =)

wokae. honestly, truthfully...
im feeling emo. haha. i dunno why.
i miss alot of ppl luhh basically. ):
going home superrrr late today alone felt like the suckiest thing ever!
suck balls lahh.
why must i even WANT to commit. ):

for everthing you gain, you lose something.
i agree on this.
i sosososososososooooooo AGREEE on that phrase.
go figure.

random: I MISS ELWIN. haha. ):

- like a silly joke or someting on the tv, boy it aint easy.

today was perrfectttt! (:
hahaha.
otw to meeting RENEE;
i say my eyeeee candeyyyyhhhhhhh!
:DDDDD
ok. not really eye candy lahh.
but someone i was missing?
yahhh. whatever lahh,
point is: IM HAPPY. (:

and then headed down to QUEESWAY.
met 2 couples! haha.
namely: marcus&jazr, wj&joan.
so coincidental lahh. (:
bought my shoes!
not totally wat i want, but gd enough.
:D

oh, i tell u ah.
im gonna go P****!
during the june hols! yeaaa.
:DDD

i think i have nothing else to say.
except that ...
haha.
it feels damn NICE when i talk to you.
yahh. times like now! (: hees.
(but i know it doesnt matter to you, somehow. =\)

ok. i wanna go sleep.
bye!

-all of our friends saw from the start so why didnt we believe it too. (:

i cant sleep so i'll blog. haha.
you can skip this entry cos i'll be ranting on and on about things that won't even matter to you. haha.

yesterday was awesome. :D
after so verrryyyy long; it feels nice.
even better. (:
hahaha.

today went out with CHELTTON.
to simply slack and catch up. (:
i love spending time with him cos its like, i dunno. i can be myself, i can keep quiet i can crap, i can be stupid all in a day and he's always so patient. haha.
thanks for the treatssssssSSSS! (:
and don't be late next time! haha.

hmm.. thought about lots of things today.
i msg a certain someone today thinkin that she would you know, somehow realise that i do miss her lots. butbut... it doesnt seem to matter anymore. we dont even talk nor call. and worst, you dont bother. i've been trying so hard this days to make it right, to get back to how we all began. but its impossible. i dont even know what goes on in your life and thus, i dont think im fit to be called your FRIEND. cos i'll be ashamed if someday, some random person ask about you and i'll be clueless. you dont even make that effort. the ignorance coming from you is appaling. so much for BFFF. i truly hate the term and i dont think ppl should refer or call us **** anymore. cos none of us deserve it. not a SINGLE one.. it sucks but when reality sets in and when things really becomes all nasty, and when everybody starts to get busy, our friendship is tested and none of us seem to win this battle. or should i say none of us bother to fight for it. not even me, yes. i thought we should stand behind each other, be those kind who will call each other anytime, give a surprise msg, call etc. anything. but no.. it never was. -was it? lets face reality and admit, that theres no more **** right?

im not angry, not even upset.
just disappointed, cos this is not the first.
oh well, sorry if i hurt anyone whatsoever cos its bothering me and its getting on my nerves.

ok. besides that, i wanna talk about something else.
but, i rather not.
hmm...

i feel like theres something missing. like everything i do, i dont really feel a sense of accomplishment. and i have no idea why. i think the thought of losing so many close ones and finding back old ones is too overwhelming tht i cant sort out whats good and not. what i should keep and what i shouldnt. it seems like everything is starting back all over again. and nothing this time round is going the way i plan. its like im going through god's motion and just let everything pass by without a good reason. its seems pointless.

oh well, i dont think i sound like i make any sense in the above paragraph. haha.
ok. i want a 4E4 PPL GATHRING &
SHANGHAI PPL GATHERING
sooooooooooon. (:

i save this paragraph as a draft and i found it while looking through my archive:
13.10.2007
ytd was such a nice evening.i cant say much but yahh.i've done all those stuff i did wit u ytd wit others.but ytd. the feelin was so different.so much better.sumtin i've NEVER felt.i wanna rip my heart out n tell the whole world is dat i want but sumtins holdin me back.its just dosnt feel rite sumwhere along the line.u know, i wished u come earlier.cos den i wont even tink twice bout havin u.but now. im tinkin thrice. ):niwae. thnx for everytin.given a million yrs, im very sure i still wont find sumone like u.all those things u did, only i know.i'll foreva rmb. thnx.

haha. it seems funny when i think about it.
go figure.

gonna go out wit RENEE tmr.
hehehe.
gonna get my SNEAKERSSS. (:

ohoh. and if you've been reading through everytin,
i guess you've just wasted 7 mins of your life ,
knowing bout my life.
hahaha.

- the state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars. (:

i have alot of things to say.
but am always too tired.

ok. changed my blogskin cos its cleaner and nicer.
and it helps when there are not much pics.
haha. (:

CCA SIGN-UP DAY IN SAJC.
bloody screw up/ kill my mood day.

1. 10001 girls wanna join TOUCH RUGBY. =x
2. SAJC CANOE trains 4 TIMES a wk. wtf.
(no wonder most of them retain. *tsk.)
3. SAJC BAND. zzz...
-EVERYONE KNOWS WHY I CANT.
(notice i say can't. not DON'T WANT. )
)))):
4. ODAC.
(i have my reasons to NOT join.)

i hate that i CANNOT join anythin i really LIKE in SAJC. yes, to those of you who knows my prob with it.. you'll know. =\ i feel damn pissed lahh. why is everything so missionary in sch. it sucks and im not used to it. i feel like an outcast. like someone who dont belong there. i feel so god damn jealous of those ppl in JJC now. without a shadow of a doubt, i'd have join council but now.. sucks.

I CANT EVEN JOIN BAND. for sertain reasons. even though they sound so damn good ok. they were playing at the cafe and i was at the Jacob Ballas bridge der and i could still hear them all nice and articulated. i feel so.... )): sad. extremely sad. ))): i still have the passion for it. and i still wanna be in it. i dun beleive a single shit abt all those stuff ppl tell me but yet, i feel guilty. i really wanna join SAJC BAND. )))))))):

i want to voice up something:
can you stop following every single thing i do! its pissing me off and it sucks to be under your nose lahh. wtf. i need to tell someone but WHO?!!! ))))): its truly disturbing me lahhhh.

went back to SWISS last tuesday!
fun times catching up, seeing everyone! (:
wanted to have SHANGHAI ppl dinner but most of the sec 4s had to go home. so in the end, went dinner with AUDREY, JASPER & JARAD.

yesterday:
celebrated SIYUAN'S & JAZREELS bdae! :D
nice time catching up with everysingle one of them.
and bitching with guys are the best. except that they are a tad too vulgar.
LOLS.

on a so much brighter note,
school is getting better.
in sch ytd, JASPER and HAN & KHYM was introducing me to some soccer boys which i forget thier names again! haha. cos they were trying their best to convince me that SA soccer boys are not arrogant. ok, true enough. some of them are not. but... they still havent prove to me TOTALLY. haha. oh well. GOOD LUCK to all of them since they gonna go... ooops. think i say too much liao. =x haha. but i finally felt some kind of true happiness while joking and talking to them.

and....
tmr is 8th MARCH!
hahaha.
(:

I FEEL TOO LAZY TO EDIT AND PUT COLORS.

-with patience, comes everything else.
i wanna say that im thankful for whatever blessings you have given me and for helping me move on so easily. now i know why you plan all those and why things happen. thank you ALLAH. (:

we dont have a right to question god.
do we?

that familiar stare.

hello.
reading blogs of ppl writing about JJ NIGHT is awesome. hahs. the feeling of satisfaction is even greater when u read those blogs of ppl who initially hated JJC. (: i feel contented although i wasnt there during the whole duration of the camp. i really miss JJ alot. ):

i miss the super long journey to sch. i miss cursing the bus driver cos he would drive so slowly to school. i'll miss seeing FAIZAL's face. i miss sitting at the Shadows table cos it overlooks the field and its super near to where someone always sit. (: haa. so much great memories. i miss being in the Leaders Network. i miss discussing orientation plans with my comm.

after reading Damien's blog, i realise so much things. this is the LAST batch of shadows. cos there'll be no 2nd intake nxt yr and councillors will do everytin nxt yr. if i'd stay in JJ, i would have run for councillor cos most of them have inspired me to be one. to make a difference, to take up that challnge. not being a SHADOW would also mean that we no longer have the privilage of stayin in the Leaders Network. i dunno why i'm sayin all this even though im not in JJ anymore. i look forward to seeing the shadows become councillors. (:

nobody knows how our camp is until they've experience it themselves.
JJ NIGHT was truly awesome!
good job to everyone! (:

proud to be a TEAM JJ LEADER!
i got my red, orange and green leaders tee. (((:

i ardy plan to really start a new tmr in SAJC.
no matter how difficult it is, i'll try.
positive attitude! yeahh! hahs.
im gonna be a mugger. really! haha.

ok. on a BRIGHTERRR note!
im looking forward to 8th March. hahs. :DDD
after so verryyy long i wonder how it'll turn out to be.
- it brings back wonderful memories.
but this time round, no feelings/hopes etc.
justFRIENDS. :)

i still feel very sad bcos i cant upload my pics! ):
i want to show all of you my SCDC ppl, PEARLYN & ELWIN!

ok. i tell you ah. now theres not gonna be anymore changes.
im stayin in SAJC for goooooooood. =/
im gonna stop tinkin bout JJC and move on!

JJ NIGHT!
it was awesome! seeing familiar faces was the best thing that happened after all the alien faces i see in SAJC. LOL. i tell you! there ALOT of crashersss!!! like those not even in JJ for PAE, were there. saw ppl frm ACJC, SAJC, CJC etcetc. omg lahh. i told u JJC is the besssttt! :DDD i almost went deaf with ppl shouting infront of me everytime they see me! hahs.

xin jie: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
hayati: "AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
xin jie: "AAAAHHH! YOU'RE BACK!"
hayati: "YES YES YES!!"
*BIG HUGGG!!*

hayati: "hello!" (: *tap shoulder frm back*
gadis: "yesyes. hello!" *turns ard*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! "
hayati: "I MISS YOUUUU!!*
gadis: (too stunned!) *EVEN BIGGERRRR HUGGGG!*

hayati: *waves frantically at ELWIN!*
elwin: *squints his eyes cos he couldnt see*
"HAYATI!!! good dat ur here!!*
hayati: *HUGE GRIN AND THEN RUNS AWAY*
(cos i was toooo excited, faizal knows why!) :D

mass dance was superrrrrrr fun! ((:
omg! dancing CHORI CHORI on stage wit councillors and SHADOWS was WOW!
hahaha. so coool!
how we bang so hard on the stage like theres no tmr.

awesome, amazing! :DDD
i can give u more than one reason why i love JJC alot. (:

when i went back ytd, i was reallyreally struck by alot of things Elwin said.
my presence may not have been felt, i may not have get the acknowledgement i wanted but while we were talking discussing abt the events that happen.. you really inspire me somehow. how u opened up and talk made me realise that seeing things as not the ic but an outsider/advisor really is different. how u comment/praised me was sometin i didnt expect. i was ardy happy enough to hear such things from a senior who had waaaay more experience. but wat made me even more happier was when i saw the SMILES of the campers. i dun ask to be seen/heard but when it comes, it feels nice. "where you're good, you know you're good." it hit me alot. it didnt only apply to the topic we were discussing abt but it was so relevant cos i was tinkin of sometin else.
i know if i'd stayed in JJ, my future was more or less done. but sometin u said also made me determined to stay in SAJC. when i ask you why you join council cos you dun look like the type of guy, and then u simply say, "bcos its a challenging job and i know i can do it." made me realise that stayin in SA is gonna be a BIGGG challenge but if i take it and make the best out of it, i know i'll enjoy. i respect you so much now cos you've impacted my life. in manymanyMANY ways, i've learnt alot even though i only stay for 2 months in JJ. that spirit, the lessons have been instilled and i've nvr regret stayin and then leaving JJ now... (: THANK YOU.

wat made me even happier was that i saw familiar faces like NICHOLAS!
he was so HIGHHHHH!!!
i knew frm the start he'll love JJ! haha.
seeing him was prolly the best thing! :DDD
saw CHAO HONG toooo!!
and this is even better.
cos i nvr knew him as someone who like to dance and cheer.
BUT! he was damn entusiastic and seein him do the chicken dance was sooooo NICE!
we achive wat we wanted! haha.
look how we transform ppl man! (((:
yeaaa!

lol. my eng is soooo bad and my paragraphing sucks!
HAHA.
i so need to improve on this if im to survive in SAJC!

had a niceeee talk wit firqin today!
thanks for hearing me out. (:

SAJC is a nice place to be in once u settle down and FOCUS.
for the first time,
"UP AND ON SAINTS!"
:DDD

its a challenge we have to face and we face it not alone.

i was so glad i met the sec3s to help them with the SHANGHAI ppt.

looking at the pics and slides, it brings back so much memories. the trip impacted in so many ways, good or bad. i cherish the moments so much that when i made the video, i cried. cried alot. cos i knew so much abt others that i never knew. i learnt how things can be different if u CHOOSE to. i'll never forget the times we had. (:

i feel emo. cos i know im not suppose to be at home currently. im suppose to be in JJ preparing for Song Singing Session for the campers. suddenly, i want MrLeow to scold me. i want Pearlyn to pressure me. i want ELWIN to give the encouragement. i want to see the SMILES of my campers. i feel so left out. ): i miss JJC alot. (pls dont give me that "not again" look, cos im ardy tryin my best to not show it) =/ i hope Brenda is doing fine. i feel so guilty for having to pass all my responsibility to her. I CANT WAIT FOR JJ NIGHT TMR!!!!

how we comunicated dat day was appaling. ur ignorance. i miss the matured, deep-in-thought guy i knew you as. i miss seeing that eager look on ur face. i miss seeing you giving me that look cos we both know wat we're thinkin. i miss holding ur hands. i miss you getting mad at yourself. i miss crying infront of you, confessing my thoughts and then i miss your assurance. "what happens there, stays there." at least ur a man of ur word. =\

let me rephrase. its amusing but we both know wat happen on dat fateful day. wat you said to me is still clearly etched in my mind. and out of all things, i can nvr forgive you for wat u said dat day but it has never stop me frm doing other things or you. do you realise that avoding me has only brought us closer? i dun want to beleive that it was retribution, but thats the best way to convince myself. i know u still block me. and i dunno why. but rest assure, we left it where there were still lots of things dat can be said and done. i wish you'd give me that chance STILL.

i feel like crying but i cant.

i didnt succeed in convincing my dad.
he says staying at my godma's house is rediculous.
ok. im sad. ):
but i'll make the most out of it.

its so late and its shit scary now.
i miss JJC.
but, today, later in the morn,
i'll be transoformed.
I WANT TO START A NEW IN SAJC.

i wanted to blog abt so many things but, i rather not.

at 1st, was amusing. but when i saw ur face for the very first time after so long since we parted, was a diff feeling. i felt guilty, remorseful at the same time happy. i dunno. for some reason, i knew it was god's retribution for you. but im tryin very hard to not make myself beleive that that's the reason. in so many ways, i wish you were still mine. ): avoiding me so much has only brought us closer. do u know that? i still miss you terribly. but with you, the loss feels different. i do not cry, it seems so hard to shed a tear -even when i badly want to. and i dunno why. I MISS YOU. damn it.

going back SWISS tmr!!
can see... you-know-who! haha. (:

i've made my choice.
im gonna try my veryVERY best to convince my dad that i'll appeal back to JJC.
if he really dun allow, then i'll try moving on.

ITS NOT THAT I HATE SAJC,
its just that...
i've forged many friendships and memories in JJC.
i just cannt let go. ):

i hope dad allows me to appeal.
i really wanna go back JJC.

i found a seniors blog who was also posted to SA and then appealed back to JJ and he nvr regret that decision till today. somehow, i know god brought me to that page for a reason.

I HAVE GOT TO QUIT HARPING BOUT THIS MATTER.
cos im sick and tired of it too. ))):

i have ONE LAST day to appeal back.

somehow i wish SA's cut off was lower, so i wont be posted der.
get this straight, its not that i hate SAJC.
i really dont!
i love thier uniform, campus, food etc.
and i still am proud to have been der.
but... i really just miss JJC alot. )):

SHADOWS MEETING was soooooo fun! :D
the warmth and company wit them is so damn cool lahh.
MR CHUA treated us pizza hut!
the bill was $200+++.
omfg. THANKS!!
i still feel welcome der. (:
and its not those fake kind of emotions, its really genuine and nice.
I LOVE ALL OF YOU!

I WANT MY TEAM JJ LEADER SHIRT!

ohoh.someone flamed JJ for our orientation.
gdness. other JCs also use water ok!!!
not only JJ. humphhhh. ):

this are people who make JJC so unforgettable. :D

SCDC SHADOWS '08!

look at how happy we are. (:

- and you ask me why its so hard.

i've found a reason to be happy for my stay in SAJC.

i shant say why.

im really tryin my best to fit in.

i bought the sch uni today wit a bit more excitement then i tot i would feel. (:

a million tots ran through my mind, for awhile.

BUT. i know that now im a SAINT.

and today, for once, while talkin to my OG mates, i felt that i was.

i hope.. it will get better. (:

i want to upload pics of my classmates, friends, seniors i've met in JJ.

but, i cant seem to upload them. ):

shadows meeting tmr! :D

I ALMOST SCREAMED WHEN GADIS INVITED ME!

im so happy that most ppl who attend 'o2, found dat JJ was a nice place to be in.

it put a smile on everyones face. (:

to those knn assholes who try to pollute the others, you can go and die.

you can appeal out cos no one cares! haha.

-no one is here by chance.

that helped ALOT. (:

I WILL NOT UPDATE UNTIL I FIGURE OUT HOW TO UPLOAD MY PHONE PICS TO THE COM. ))))): it feels so wrong to update without showing their faces. i miss JJ so much. SA is like soooo cold. =x 1st day was boring. orientation was nowhere close to JJ. =x in JJ, when we say SQUEEEEZE!! OGLs will run, SHADOWS literally fly. in SA, theres one big whole infront of the councillor. in JJ, when we play night games, we DASH ard the sch even if we're fuckin tired. in SA, we walk. in JJ, mass dance was so full of energy and zest, that you just wanna dance even if u dunno. in SA, it was ok. im not making this up. we really have gone thru that kind of training!

i know its wrong to compare, and make judgements. and i should be thnkful that i got a place in SA, but... pls bear wit me and just hear me out for this moment. its not dat i hate SA, i just dun like the envi. its so diff frm JJ. i miss sayin cheers out of no reason at all. i miss the tired faces of my shadows. i miss mass dance. i miss workin wit the councillors. sometimes, i feel that its unfair. after all the hardwork, trainin, scolding just to become a SHADOW, im not there to be one. it feels so differnt planning for a camp, and being in one. it just doesnt feel right YET.

i hope days in SA will get better cos i have no choice. my parents dont alow me to transfer.
i will TRY MY BEST to stop comparing and whine..
and i know firqin will be fuming of she reads this! haha.
but thats just how i feel.
i dun feel welcomed at all in SA.

went back for YOG!!!
if u see us on the news, then u know why JJC ROCKSSS!
cos we are united as hell! and we get high like easily.
our dances so rocckkk. i felt like i truly belong when i was cheering wit them. the fact that i saw SAJC ppl dancing wit us was soooo nice! goes to show that they wanna have fun, but too bad, they just dun have the spirit. when i saw my SHADOWS faces, all welcoming me and hugging me, i was touched! even MR LEOW said: "WELCOME BACK!!!" and pearlyn give that gd effort smile which i really appreciated! ELWIN too!!! the way u shouted: "HAYATIIIIIIIIIIIII!! YOU CAME BACK!!" shock me!! cos, i tot u were too busy to even notice me, but u took that time! :D

BUT..
haha. i'll try my best to BELONG in SAJC.
cos "NO ONE IS HERE BE CHANCE"
UP AND ON!!!
haha. doesnt seem correct YET.

ok! i tell you why JJC ROCKSSS now.
go to this pg:
http://justfaris.livejournal.com/14461.html
its an SAJC student saying how much he enjoyed the YOG nite!
AND HOW JJCians ROCK THE NIGHT!
hahahaha! i teared when i read his entry.
serious!~

me and damien googling ppl abt jj orientation!
soooo fun! i mean it really puts a smile on our faces. (:

JJCians unite,
we show our might,
show them how we JJCians fight!
fighting in the sun,
fighting in the rain,
fight fight fight till we win this game!
JJ, JJ is the best,
we gonna dump the rest into thrash,
we gotta S-C-O-R-E,
we gotta F-I-G-H-T!
JJ is the best,
united we stand, divided we fall.
we wil, we will,
stomp u like a gingerbread
and nvr let u step us back,
step u, step u, ooh la la,
step u, step u whoooooosh!

I'LL UPDATE AS SOON AS I UPLOAD ALL MY PICS!!!
sooo many things to say!

vday was a blassssttt!
-thnks to you! yes you! :DDDDD
i want to have moany more days like this with you ok!

Orientation Group Leader Preparatory Camp
in short, OGL PREP CAMP!
yeaaaa. was awesome/enriching/FUNNNN!
-working every min of the day wit u was even moreee fun!

POSTING RESULTS gonna be out sooon!
i wanna go SAJC cos its my dream!
BUT i dun want to leave JJC!!! ))))):
- thanks for your assurance.

i think ELWIN is cutee!
(HAHA. random!)

hello.
school has been busybusybusy and im lovin it! yup. JJCian SHADOWS rockkk! COUNCILLOR'S ROCKSS MORE! (: ended meetin at 9 today! thnk god MRCHOO send us home cos Yvonne was not feeling well. THANKS MR CHOO! i really hope that 'o2 will be go on very well. cos god knows how much we've prepared. ppl dun realise it but it takes alot alot alot of scarifice and time for us to do everything. oh well. 1st intake JJCians who are not comin back for 2nd intake you are welcome to come for JJ NIGHT! :D yupyup.

ytd, was MASS DANCEEEE!
super last min, like 20 mins b4 we were suppose to proceed to hall, Damien was like looking for another couple to dance on stage. and sooo... he drag me and Faizal!! HAHA. was supper funny lahh ok! butbut.. gd experience. when ur up on stage, you really cannot play a fool and make stupid actions cos ppl on the floor follows whatever you do. haha. was damn nervous lahh b4 dat. been so long since i dance infront of a crowd on stage!! hahs. but, I ENJOYED IT! :D

tmr is VDAE!
omg.. i've not prepared much lahh! )): im super busy since like last wk and i totally got no energy. im gonna buy chocs and i cant wait for sch tmr! hahs. :DDDD

im tryin my best to get over you lahh.
it gets even harder cos i keep gettin reminded. =x
and that sucks...

hearing you talk bout the others is ok..
perfectly fine.
but. i wonder.. =x

ok! no time to be sad.
TEAM JJ all the waaaay!
SCDC SHADOWS gogogo!!!
thank you COUNCILLORS! :D

wokae.
after re-reading the previous entry, i think it was too emo.
so i deleted it! hahs.
cos im not that emo after all! :D

and the reason for being non-emo is because....
i got my new phone!
((((:
HAHA.
shant say wat phone i get or some ppl will say i brag!
idiots. lols.
butbutbut...
im happy wit new phone! its nice!!
hopefully, someone will go, "hey, nice phone!" again when they see it!
haha. gd pick up line right!! haha.
:D

im looking forward to sch tmr!
cos there's MLL & SHADOWS MEETING!
yay! :D
oh wait.
and Faizal has econs tmr! so i can crash wit him.
for obvious reasons...
and thats cos i can see Hisyam!
:DDDD

i always forget wat i wanna blog abt.
ohoh. talkd to JIAYI again ytd i think.
talking to her always brings back NICEEEE memories of Shanghai.
somehow, we always agree on the same things. hahs.(:
so thankful actually for her when she tag along for the *****.
cos w/o that day, there wont be................
haha. cant say wat it is here.

chatting wit suffian.
haha. so glad we are much more open abt alot of stuffs. and he actually give the most sensible & down-to-earth advices.
and oh.
HE'S HORNY!
haha. xD
for eg: who knows wat "i had breakfast for champions this morning" means?
go figure! LOLS.

HELLO! (:
yesterday night was awesome!
haha.

chat wit HISYAM! :DDDDD
omg. hahaha. so very RANDOM.
CHELTTON & FAIZAL was being very patient wit my UNUSUAL behaviour throughout the night. haha. :D
THANKS!

msg SUFFIAN last night and that poor boy was still working at 12+!
omfg. haha.
wanted to tell him sooo many things!
and somehow......
i began to crave for STARBUCKS!

today!
yayyyyy! mum promised to go shopping sooooon.
budget is like $500!
cos im getting my hp and mp3 too!
(((:
haha.
gdbye "shit-lousy-NEC-slowpork" phone!
then went out to causeway with an old friend for STARBUCKS!
yay! :D

i miss AZIMAHHHH!
i was browsing to my photos and found one whole folder of pics taken during band tour 2 YRS AGO!
omg! so looooong ago!

i was reading someone's blog and then i was reminded of SHANGHAI!

haha! this photo reminds me of not only this 2 guys! it reminded me of that awesome ACROBAT SHOW we were about to watch! :D somehow, i couldnt find the freakin video i took during the show! )): HAHA! :D soooo very GAY! lols. ( feat. janielson, madan, sailesh.)

how i miss those times...

haha. im boredboredbored.
lets make a detailed post on wat happen today.

was SUPER late to sch today. made it on time b4 events start. basically, when celebration started, it was kinda high....until MASS DANCE. always always the best! LOL. i'll miss mass dance alooooot. ): then once the rest were dismissed, J1LEADERS had to stay back. thanks wen jing and dave for waiting for me!!! (: then quickly went off to west mall wit wj and dave to mac. had our brunch? hahs. yup. then head back to swiss. i didnt get to talk alot wit mr kamal. damn saaad ok. saw madan!!! took pics wit him, and he introduce me to HABIB! hahaha. the guy we always talk abt in shanghai. saw yaozu also! andddd.... JANIELSON! haha. (: me and wj agree that he's a F****! yeaa! haha. that lil girl, JIAYI nvr come sch ahh! hahs. quite sadded cos I MISS HER LOTS! and i know she miss me too! hahs. (: gonna meet her nxt tues or fri! cant wait! :D

dats about it.
im dead beat now.
so yeahh. i'll go sleep. hahaha.

WHY WE NEVER TALK! =/
add for waaaat ah?
ok. it takes time.
PATIENCE. (:

ohoh.
you were busy!
:DDDDD

omg.
today is a veryveryveryVERY happy day;
although my dear friend LIYANA ps-ed me. -.-
its ok.

CNY CELEBRATIONS & MASS DANCE!
was damn fun. (((:
ok. i saw HISYAM cos his OG was coincidentally near mine!
yay!
so closeeee. that i could have *** *** *** * *****!
BUT. some idiot spoil the fun
and thus, i miss the opprtunity. ):
FUCK.

haha.
but still, happy enough cos got to see him! xD
hahaha. ok. i should really stop it.

MASS DANCE wit JUNJIE!
haha. weird guy! butbutbut.
mass dance somehow always rock!
xD
another reasn i DONT WANT to leave JJC.

went back to SWISS!
yeahhhhhh! NO REGRETS for making that trip.
bcos i saw YOUUUUUUU. (:
hahaha.
it feels so familiar and warmm.
that stare, that smile.
how you look frm the corner of your eye.
even happier cos........
(: OK. is should shut up!

im looking forward to this hols cos i need my much needed rest.
(: loads of things to tie a knot to. =

to my SHADOWS!:
lets work hard for orientation '02! cos we know we've work hard for it! i'll chiong back to JJ if im posted to SA ok! loveLOVE all of you. (: you guys are the only reason why i still go back to sch. hahs.

haha. im feeling quite sad...
BUT. lets talk bout happy stuff.

we were having civis lesson ytd and our discussion topic was like:
"list 5 things you would bring if ur stranded"
this china guy whose name is YUCHUAN who is quite cute
(i tink he looks like JAYCHOU.) haha.
he said:
1) food
2) water
3) knife
4) tent
.
.
.
.
.
5) WOMAN
LMAO!!! hahaha. so cuteeee! hahas.
why do you need a woman on a stranded island?
GO FIGURE. -.-
haha.

after reading AUDREY's blog,
I MISS MR KAMAL too! and his lessons.
history lessons in JJ are so different frm his.
the teacher suck big time!
no interest at all towards the subject.
i really wont forget his fatherly love when we are in shanghai and his little talks and funny antics always enlighten the mood whenever mdm tang scold us. i will always rmb the advices and the care and concern he always had and the little "OPERATIONS" we always have. somehow, it gave a whole new meaning to the trip and in one way or another, he made the trip MOST worth it. i'll esp miss all the meal times! cos its w/o mdm tang! haha. no offence. i still do love mdm tang's company but we had more freedom to joke? haha. i guess so.. shall talk to jiayi one day abt those times. (: i really do miss his motivational talks too! haha. damn funny.

oh. must thank him for the 68% dist for PURE HISTORY! xD

i just realise that the song
TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR
is b-e-a-utiful. ((:
i emo-ed once i heard it. hahs.

SATURDAY.
games trial was superrrrr FUN! yay! i was wet like nobody's business! good job games comm! (: wet games will be a blast! yayyyy~! was sabo-ed TWICE! by FAIZAL & YINGQUAN. omg. so freezing cold lahh the water. butbutbut! they were sabo-ed back THRICE. :D ok. i soooo love my stay in JJC cos of the SHADOWS! workin wit SCDC seniors and the rest in my comm has been so fun! (: leaving them will be my hardest gdbye. ):

TODAY.
accompanied CHELTTON to queensway. now i know where dat place is. -.- marcus alwasys say he get things frm der and i had no idea. hahaha. IM GONNA GET THAT BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT YELLOW ADIZERO RUNNING SHOES. &&&&& THE ADIDAS SLEEK SERIES SHOE!! haha. went back quite late, den MSN-ed wit JIAYI. i loveLOVE that girl alot. shes like my lil sister. (: i find that we have so many things in common. she's a strong and down-to-earth girl like me! :p haha. no lahh. but we talk bout soooo many things dat it becomes so fun! haha. i know a lot more bout her AFTER i came back frm shanghai. and we both agree on the SHANGHAI CURSE. hahahaha. damn funny. we talk bout boys, jc, sch etcetc. and we both miss the SHANGHAI FAMILY. )))):

ok. my emo part. pls ignore and dun read. ):
i really reaaaaallllyyyy miss you. (not hy.) i dunno for certain reasons i just think bout u alot and it hurtssss. it hurts so bad. its kind of hard to beleive that i'll never see u again. ))): omg lahh. its hard to even beleive that you moved on so perfectly well. talking abt you to others is so different cos they dun see like i do. why is it that when you look my way, it feels so familiar, so warm. so tempting. but when its behind sometin, eg. sms, MSN, you become so alien and i hate that feeling cos i've seen at your best and sweetest and i cant help but just CRY and stare at it. cos i dun even know who you are. i want to tell the whole world that we both had the same feelings for each other ONCE, and we made the best out of it and i've nvr regret giving you a single second of that entire short period we had. we laughed, played, quarreled, argued, talk, everything during dat short period and if only...... it could have lasted. )):

its soooo late ardy and i cant sleep.
toot.
im emoing/ missing a lot of ppl. ):
sadSAAAAAAD.
the only peron talkin to me is SUFFIAN.

how nice. (:

i miss *********.
ok. go figure. but miss him lots. LOTSSSS! ): until i feel very sad. and thats not like me! sigh. its just hitting me hard. and i dunno why. the saddest things is that i would NEVER see you again after this and it bothers me alot cos i've shared a part of me wit you and somehow it gets so hard to just see you walk away. you know when i last saw you the other day? the smile that u gave was just so familiar that it automatically brings me back to that day when we first had the best times in each others company. so comfortable it seems. it was that simple and nice. i'd do ANYTHING. to rewind and just let it pause there so that i dun have to deal with the fact that it'll NEVER be the same- with or without you. ):

i miss HANYANG.
ok. screw me. go ahead and say whatever you guys want. i just miss having the company. like you know, when u have bf, u can just like pick up the phone whenever ur sad or anyting. and the best thing is, u NEVER feel lonely. its just feels so nice. but when this comfort/happiness is reap frm u, it hurts. IT HURTS REAL BAAAAD! its like and empty spot. it like so weird. and then, talking to you nowadays are like the cold winds in shanghai. so "brrr.." wth. and hate this feeling too. i dun miss him cos after whatever you did, i dun tink u deserve it, but i just miss the COMPANY. thats all. its different to have this kind of company and the kind of company with you friends. it really is. ok. go figure. or maybe.. like FAIZAL said: "u just like to be loved." oh well.

i miss ZIYL.
yes, yes. all 3 of u. ZIN. i heard ur having probs. so do call me ks. nana! i suddenly feel like telling you alot of things. izzati! u know me best, and i looook forward to the next time i see u! hopefully SOOON.

i miss SCSS.
yes. i take the train to boon lay to every morning and i see swiss, i feel like alightin at gombak and just sit there. i duno why. it seems so routined, that passing by that place brings ALOT of memories. 4 yrs of schooling there le. its so OMG. SO FAST!!!

i miss MY SHANGHAI FAMILY.
i was sorting out the photos and then, i came across my shanghai photos! how i wish,WISH,WISH i can go back there with all 9 of you. and then i go to the dusty blog and i almost teared. its truly amazing how we bond and just find solace/comfort wit one another. i suddenly feel like bitching abt some random thing to jasmine or kx or andrea. i dunno. the feeling is sososososoSOSO weird. i cannot beleive that the trip impacted so much on my life. i just miss the fun and the laughters. i miss MRKAMAL's lesson. i seriously do. i plan to take up history and go back swiss to teach after my a's. (: REALLY.

at the end of it, i really feel like crying. ):

i REALLY hope it pays off.
but. IM PREPARED.
for rejection/acceptance. ):

i've DECIDED. (:
i wont say what i put as my choice, but either way,
im SATISFIED.
and i'll be VERY happy both ways.

i wonder whats your choice? ):
it sucks to not know what goes on in your life.

crashing PJC tmr!
pon sch tmr!
haha. den got to rush back down to JJ for shadows meeting.
(:
i loveLOVE busy life.

hahas. talking to you, for once being open bout everthing. it feels so good and nice. it brings back good memories which im very happy somewhat for it to happen and how it failed halfway. if only i can still look at you and say all those. do i have the courage? hmm.. whatever it is. it feels good to be able to open up to you and talk about the past. (:
-it warms the inside just like it should.

went to check out SAJC today. (:
security was damn slack! hahs.

the sch was HUGE lahh.
quite impress wit the bridge and the synthetic rugby field.
and...
thier $10 000 gate which was available at JJC also! =.=
LOLS. (firqin u know why!!!)
thanks FIRQIN for spending ur saturday wit me! hahs.
quite fun eh kluar ngan ko! hahs. (:

im gonna miss this guy the MOST if i do, FINALLY, decide to leave JJ.

IM STILL UNDECIDED!

this SUCKS!

ohoh, that ppl, is FAIZAL. :D

he's my gooood buddy in JJC.

was quite touch abt sometin u say ytd. thanx.

made me think twice abt leaving u and the rest.

dance partner, classmate, and a good FRIEND.

i had the same impression i had abt him as i did when i saw izzati for the 1st time.

i thought he was some snobbish ass cos he didnt even talk to us on the 1st day of class and he wanted to go like NJC and i was like wth. hahahas.

butBUT.

turns out the opposite!

LOVE THE COMPANY WIT YOU MAN!

xD

ohoh!

i want to jump in hoopla and circles cos HISYAM just....

*** * ****** ** ** **********!!!

ok. tooo HAPPY to say.

ok. HISYAM is a fmss guy who happens to be CUTEEE!

as in the "kawaiii-NeHxX!!~~" -.-

omg lahhh. so fucking happy!

im very happy cos ZJY is alive on MSN back!
he promise to chat wit me some other day.

and i feel so damn comforted! xD

HE'S A GREAT GUY LAHHH. (:

im dead beat.

and i still dunno where to go.

i wanna go sleep ardy.

NITEZ.

i've edited one of my posts.
cos, haha. i dun want ppl to think wrongly.
presumptions are baaad.
haha.
oh well.

I'M DEAD BEAT.
today had some CCAB MEETING in JJC and shadows were suppose to do ushering duties. saw some swiss teachers. MR SAMUEL LIM. he recognise me! hahs. damn funny. saw MR SHARIZAN, THOMAS TAN AND MRS CHUA too! so glaaaaad to see familiar faces. (:

after that was MASS DANCEEEE! partnered wit faizal! ((: hahs. we keep gettin the turning part wrong and he has VERY BAD DIRECTIONAL PROBS! he will go left when ppl ask him to go right! and he laughs at me when he's actually doing it wrongly! LOLS.

kena some scoldings afer that cos weren't up to standard.
): hmm..

alrighty.
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
i'll put SAJC as my 1st choice. i took a very loooong and hard time to think about it. and i've decided. the only reason i want to stay in JJC is cos of the spirit and the culture and I KNOW DAMN BLOOOOODY WELL OUR 'O2 CAMP IS GONNA BE A BLAST. but! 3 days of fun must not stop me frm fulfilling my dream since i was in sec3, which is goin to SAJC. besides, mrCHUA assured us that if SA's not good, as in we canot fit in, JJ will always welcome us back. and WE CAN COME BACK FOR JJ NITE! ~yayyyy! xD

ps: talking to you was NICE. hahs.
xoxo, :D

my joy over results is being dampen by so many things!

when u say you'd call, YOU JOLLY WELL DO! cos now, i cant sms because of u and ur not makin a single cent out of it worth it. damn it. ur sad, so am i. but least be considerate. i wasnt angry at u the last time u did this to me man. but now.... omg. i soooo need to sms ppl lahh. ):

after results was so zzz..
was damn saad cos i took no photos, notin.
no final memories cos everybody just left! )):
dats very sad man.

ok results was unexpected!!!
minus my bonus pts, i've got 9 POINTS.
haha. go figure my raw score ok! (:
SUPER HAPPY!
cos i can go SAJC.
butbut, oh well... dun wanna talk bout posting today.

today too, was damn nice.
cos i seeee YOU. ~yayyyyyyyyy! xD
(not hanyang lahhh!)
u dunno how happy i saw to see that same old familiar look with that smile on ur face and i just... melt. -.- hahaha.
i was THAT happy. (:

i was happy too cos when i saw hanyang i tot i'd get all upset. BUT! haha. no feelings le. very neautral! haha. (:

alrighty peeps.
i wanna go sleep.
MASS CHATS ARE FUN BUT CONFUSIN!

im feeling very sad now.
today seems to mark the ending and beginnig of manyMANY things.
which, im not prepared for.

RESULTS.
hmm. where will it bring me too? where would i go. seriously, i dun mind going to a poly or MI. but, the thought of leaving JJ sucks big time. it really gave me a sense of belonging and pride. OG22! is like the 1st ppl i knew in JJ and im so thkful that god bring me to them. if my results are good, i would want to go to a better jc, but again, leaving JJ is somethin i really dun want to do. on the other hand, travelling frm jurong to boon lay is no easy fit. can i take it for 2 yrs? and then, wat if my results suck like big time? i would be disappointed as hell but theres no use regretting. bottom line, I DONT WANT TO LEAVE JJC! but..... theres so many things that i have to think about. going back and going sch alone is really not a nice feeling. but then again, the JJ spirit is like already in me and i loveLOVE thier culture. not forgettin ppl i wont see if i dun go back there. XINJIE, LAIXING, YINGQUAN, EESUAN, KEITH, FAIZAL, TEEKAI, GADIS. omg.

in alex's words:
"10 yrs of studying leh.. you tell me how to not stress!"
LOL. quite true le actually.

today too, would be the laaassssst time i'll meet 4E4 and ppl who have made my life in swiss unforgettable. they've made life so complete and i've nvr regret joining swiss. and it'll be the last time i'll see han yang too. ive thought about it and i'll just let it come and then go. im glad we both have move on so well. im prepared at least for this. its kinda like the END of sec sch life. end of slacking. end of life in SCSS.

the song SAY GOODBYE has been playing for like 15 mins. hahs. its just a saad song to rmb today. as we say our goodbye's, we await and see wat lies ahead. its so fast how life has change and how time have fly. its difficult to let go but we have to. best of luck to one and all who would receive thier results! :D

I'M GONNA MISS SWISS!
I'M GONNA MISS BEING A JJCIAN!

you turn around,
you walk away,
and tears roll down my cheeks,
as moments turn to memories,
to memories we'll releive.
(:

im NOT preparred lahhhhhhhhhhhh. ):
not prepared for results.
not prepared to see YOU.
i swear.

*edit.
hmm...
looking at ur pics is hard.
looking at the conversations, even harder.
it hits me soSO hard. hmmm... its very hard to let go of the memories. haha.
but! i feel damn happy dat i deleted the msgs in my phone.
it helps ok ppl!
cos u dun look at it and den be saaad. (:

im sosososo happpy in JJ now.
i found gd friends.
today.. ended shadows meeting at 7.30.
there were still ALOT of J2s ard.
went back wit many ppl. and i feel goood. (:
cant wait for REVELATIONS tmr!
yayyy.

cant wait for thursday too!
RESULTS.
annnnd.... haha. can see youuuu!
no, not han yang.

hello! (:
life has been sooo darn busy.
oh yesss. im 85% sure i'll stay in JJ-
provided my results can make it lahhhh. -.-

I'M A SHADOW!
hahas. u wanna know wat i do, come JJC!
i assure you, our orientation is the besssssst. (:
cos im in the planning com.! hahaha.
im in SCDC:
(songs, cheers, dance & concert!)
JJ NIGHT!!!! *cant wait!
see me DANCCEEEE! hahaha. xD

ended like super late today.
went home wit FAIZAL. (:
omg. he damn funny and cuteee lahh. hahas.
faizal: one of my OG mates lost her hp and ipod.
me: oh really? my friend also!!! wats her name?
faizal: oh. her name xin yi. i dun think u know her.
me: ehhhhhh! ISNT THAT GIRL OUR CLASSMATE?!!!
lol.
he's a shadow too!
but in the GAMES COM. hee.

im quite scared for results!!
if i get very good, then i'll have a gd reason to move out of jj.
but if noooot,
i dunno whether i can tahan the SUPER LONG journey for 2 yrs!!!
=x omg.
but is like i ardy have a place in jj lo..
HOW????!
or worst!
i cant even go jc?!

cant wait for MASS DANCEEEE!
as in to learn all of them and then teaching em to the other leaders!
YAYYY! xD