my brother just fell.. ooh.. wad a way to start dis thing. okie so i tink today veh long. got loads to say. hehe..
today i was late! grr.. literally ran frm gombak to skool n the anthem was playin when i reached. *he was late also! bleahs. no big deal lar. niwae, in class. was so angry at some peeps. i can b nice, n when im not i'll be a bitch aite. so dun be sellfish nxt time can? u wanna sellfish go market! sorri to all those i shouted at.. i dun blame kai yao or yi lin, i blame sumone else. its ur sellfishness dat make ppl suffer. *hint hint* [u wit the pink beg] grr.. was late, n den in class like dat.. fuck. niwaes, skool has been bored. i'm a lil influenced to take lit but hist still rox lar.. haha. n like wth dey keep sayin "yade". i dun mind lar but so fuck lo. irritated u noe. nvm. geog god damn boring lar.. i wanna see who can dat junani teach till get "A". Mr Seng teach a lot sia get "A" for hist. Geog all get "c". hah. fuck. niwae, bands been real tiring. no mood leh now wanna go. so tiring n bein ina neglected section doesnt rox. it sux. hah. n havin 1 junior who is _____ is so not cool mind u. haiyo. still got wat to say..?
oh yar.. dis part onli my besties will noe. but nvm. just say. u huh. u talkin shit n crap lar. everythin is a lie. cos of u i'll nvr trust man again. grr.. stupid lar. nvm. still got him can make me happy but dunnoy i dun want. stupid emotions. grr.. been studyin!! dats a + sign. hah. still got wat to say? urmm.. tink life so far is still not dat gd yet but thank god its not dat bad. tink i change seats today is mayb for gd. mayb god wanna open doors for me to concentrate more. hahas. still got wat arh? ohh.. ncc rehearsal comin upp.. ~whhee!! fun, fun, fun!! but tired like hell wan. aniwae, how many land units are der in NCC?? heh. n btw, tmr X country. run like mad. hah. nolar. dats a lie. kk.. tink i write enuf ardy lo.. wanna study. byez!!

_.with fate comes love, with love unfolds a destiny._

"i cry inside of me.. cos i noe i'll nvr feel thier love again.."

i'm pathetic. i'm loser. yeah. so wat? do i try to hard to be happy? or do i not? i dun get it. y is the whole against me? y i dun get it.. life was so meaningful last year when i 1st had "z".. den came "s".. life's great! luv my frens n family. but now? y everythin like dat? i feel so unjustified. everythins goin wrong. i'm pretending to be sumtin i dun want too. i dunno y.. i hate to be like dis. i hate. i try to make mum happy but noe, she luv's the otehr 2 kids more. yeah so u say u dun. but i feel it. i feel dat ur against me. is it bcos im a big time failure?! i noe, i am. but can dun be sarcastic can? u said i suck. weel yeah. a mother's curse last foreva. i dun get it. u put in me a position where i cant even find the space to love n to care 4 u. i cant. i dun feel ur luv. i dun feel ur care, ur concern. i wanna haf those times when even the simplest ques such as "haf u eaten" make me feel dat i'm loved. i dun get it. dad's not as bad as u r. u get angry when we tell dad our probs but do u even make dat effort to come to us..? haf u eva? ask urself lar. no use writin all dis. she'll nvr noe. how i wish she can read my mind.. hais. not only my mum, even my sis turn to ousiders for help. so heck. i'll just keep to myself. yeah. maybe dat way, i'll be more luved cos i dun say the wrong things.

den the otehr part of life. i dun get it. y in my darkest most deepest hour when i wanted u, u weren't der? now u r when i haf him. i dunno. u want me back. but heck. i'm tryin to ignore all dis stupid feelingsd dat u bring back. i'm so glad dat i'm over "s" but den now u 2. just fuck off can cos i dun want to be wit anyone of u now. i hate dat.

just so many things left undone, unsaid, untouched. i cant take it nimore. serious. damn the reason y i became like dis. i so hate it. i'm so jealous of ppl who's life haf everythin in place. y dem not me? did i do so many things wrong? did i? hais.. i dunno. i wanna go back to wat i was. cheerful, dun care bout small things n can get over off anythin easily. the me now is so wat i'm not.

lastly, mom. i'm sorry for hurting u. i'm sorry if i said the wrong words. i'm sorry. i dun care if u dun wanna compromise or wat. but im sorry. cos i noe u'll nvr will..

-to often we let small things let us down. to often we dun care. too often we try too hard. =(((
[[life sux]]

"u're the only one my everything n for u dis song i sing.."

yeahs.. forget bout the previous ytd. my life currently: imperfectly nice. contradicting? sue me. hahs. today when out wit yana.. *dances ard* whee~! go walk den go makan at let's eat! woohoo~! afta months of cravin n finally! hahs. niwae, got a lot of sad-ed song playin n one of em was all my life. *sobs* dat song. my song. our song. thier song. haish.. *memoriess.... =( nvm. den afta dat go library at cosway.. was kinda okie i guess. tmr *him got rehearsal for ncc day parade.. y band dun haf rehearsal? *confused* maybe its like the clt thing. its on the day then we go.. haizz.. hope we play well le.. got *him, my cuzzie, my frens, them.. haha. alot lar. but not the point. hope nobody faints! haha... the greatest in joke in band ever created: ~i cant hear u sir!!~ haha.. the jokes of future generations of the band. kk. i'm bad. mayb most of u dunno wat i tokin lar.. but aha.. swiss winds will alwaes rmb! haha. niwae, *he ask me go pei him go watch movie but i no money. hahs. not in the mood also lar. hahs.. k narh~.. wanna sleep. tmr got band. byezz..

_more den frens but not *ahem!*_

"i was stupid, i was foolish, i was lyin to myself.."

haiz.. i dun wanna stress, dun wanna wait, dun wanna be sad, i dun want 2 feel can?? useless might just be the correct word i feel rite now.. y am i stupid? i was blind! i'm always blind!! ytd `he did dat was to test u n u fell for it! stupid! *him is der 4 u. forget bout the better ones live the new.!! argh! no, dun wanna fall for all dis crap. wanna study, study, study!!! u noe, tink back, den i rmb everything bout [[him]]. [[he]] teach me loads of lesson! when can i get all dat in my head!!! i suck at all dis. i dun wanna feel.! y everything cum back??? y??!! y when [[he]] get out of my mind u 2 came back. wait lah, wait summore.. see? now i dissapoint who?? myself! argh. fuck. i need sum1 badly. badly to talk too. argh. nemind. dun tink most of u noe wat i say..
u noe, went to blogskins today, den see like almost all bout ppl heartbroken. is the world really miserable? hais.. nvm. niwae, today, band was okie. drill like wanna pengsan. hais.. damn it lar. trombone can jia you??!! i sick of repeatin every damn thing. den go eat den haiyo, ^u^ anoder one. can dun make me feel guilty?? at least not infront of evrybody else can?? stop all those stupid acts cos i dun wanna fall for ^u^ n im weak k? i admit! i easily get the wrong impressions.! yeah. happy? so dun do all those stupid thing to make me fell guilty for gdness sake! hais.. den dama n siti cum my house. do project. so yup, dats my day. k nar.. wanna sleep. -nitez..-

-i dun wanna wait any longer. too much time ive wasted on waits.

"to be contented or to suspect or to accept.."

helo! hahs. fell like its been ages since i update when its just ytd! wahahas. nvm lar. i update. currently, i'm feeling complicated. ya lar.. u noe dat post bout my frens, i take it back.. like renee said, talk to dem properly wud be the best but i guess i've got to find the time when i'm real brave. hmm. got to resolve a few things.

u noe dat day, on sat when i tot life's gettin better. hmm.. i wud say its a repetition of wat happen a few mnths back. confused? me too. hais. gotten over i haf. missin him i do. likin him i feel. again, 3 diff feelings 4 3 diff peeps. dunno y `him msg me. u noe its like when i dun like him animore n wat to be free frm all dis stupid relationships. den dis. wat? u say u want me back? when i want u last time, u ignore me, now u want me back? u got a god damn gal summore! n u dare to say dis things. argh! but sumhow dat stupid feelin just creep inside me n slowly like i like him. like wtf! argh. dunno lar. den *he, go bintan today until wed. cannot msg. how? too much things comin back. dun wanna be stress cos skool's startin. hmm. on the bright side, i tink god answered my prayers cos i gotten over him, not completely but satisfyingly. hahs.

niwae, zin n iz off to chalet, yana in m'sia. me? stuck wit band. nvm. its the only thing i want to njoy. *one band, one sound!* get dat! haha. tink i stop here lar. do maths again i tink b4 sleep. hais. still got eng hmwk sias. haiya. tink i'll be contented wit wateva i haf.. niwae, here's sumtin funny.

(in eng translation)
me; i go interview som said..
*him; huh? som who? som said wat?
me; nvm, hard to xplain.
*him; dun wanna u xplain also. dun wanna make life difficult for u.

-dun understand, ask me. or try to translate back in malay.
`_sweetz_` [[_nitez_]]

hey.. hahs. not been updatin cos too tired. hmm. lets talk bout the parade on fri on another day. i wanna talk bout ytd. yes. dunno y, tink ytd was one of the better days since i felt depressed? yeah. not cos of wateva things just felt dat ytd wud be the beginning of new n fresh things. *he suddenly msg me n yeah, it was fun. cud feel the click. *he's damn nice n sweet. hahs.. hehs. i must haf been blind last time. hehs. so den everything went well. recording was cool. didnt got angry wit anyone. it was perfect! no peeps to destroy my happiness, no more heart breakin. it was just me n the band. yay! i love my band!! the band ytd! seniors came down ytd n miss dem loads. justin still so funny! hahs. still got wat to say? hmm. tink dats it lar. i just simply <3 ytd. felt, so nice, cool calm n simply sweet. hahs. waitin for *him to msg! hahs. yay. tink dats it. meeting som said! *shivers* hahas. on abrighter note, *som said here i come!!* haha.. k narh. byez..

read dis!!!! so blardy sweet!!! i almost cried when readin it!!

two tear drops were floating down the river.
one teardrop said to the other,"i'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man andlost him. who are you?"
"i'm the teardrop of the man who regret letting a girl go."
she teardrop consoled, "there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go."
he teardrop replied, "but then you'll know that you miss someone very much when everytime youthink of that person, your heart breaks into pieces and just a quick 'Hello' from that person brings the broken pieces back."
she teardrop said, "it's really painful to say goodbye to someone else that you don't want to let go; but it's even more painful to ask someone to stay if you can never make the relationship workout the way it should be.
"she continued, "LOVE? it's kind of complicated,but i'll tell you this... the second you're willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that's love right there."
he teardrop pondered and said, "you know, if i had the letters "HRT", i can add "EA" to get a "HEART" or a "U" and get "HURT". but i'd rather choose "U" and get "HURT" than have a "HEART" without "U".
she teardrop smiled and replied, "giving someone all your love is not an assurance that she will love you back. don't expect love in return, wait for it to grow in her heart, if it doesn't, be contented it grows in yours."
he teardrop continued, "she told me once, do not be too good, i will miss you. don't be too caring; i might like you. don't be too sweet; i might fall foryou."
she teardrop smiled and said, "A heart truly in love never loses hope but always believes."
She teardrop continued, "if you love her please let her know because it hurts to love whenyou have to go. take care of me; don't go awaybecause if youlove me, you will stay... i love you and do u know why? you got me when you firstsaid 'Hi'"
he teardrop said, "you are brave she teardrop,now i know it's always better to have found the courage to love even if you lose it in the end rather than never found love because you were too afraid of the challenge." he teardrop continued further, "did youknow thatthe expression "Nothing" is the subconscious mind's way of saying I Love You... that's what i do,i told her NOTHING and because of that i lost her even though i love her... i cry for the time that shewas almost mine, i cry for the memories 've leftbehind, i cry for the pain, the lost, the olda nd the new. i cry for the times i thought i had her!"
she teardrop consoled, "Relationships are like glass, sometimes it is better to leave them brokenthan try to hurt yourself putting it back together,or worse, have nothing strong to bind it together.you never lose in loving. you only lose in holding back."
he teardrop cried,"Now i know, i have learned. dont throw your back to love when it's already in front of you, don't drive it away from you because if you did, someday you'll think again why you let love fly away when it was once next to YOU..."

"... n u remembered! whee~!"

hahs.. okie. wat a way to start an entry. didn't update for quite sumtimes.. tink wud not be long. cos tired lar. haha. so here goes..
tuesday.. had band. same routine just like dat day exceptionally tiring.. my face was sweating alrite. cos i tink wore 3rd uni. haha.. forget to bring belt. sorry lar.. hah. den dis friday got CLT POP Parade.. woah. if i not goin die den thank god! hahs. cos wear 1st uni, hat n gloves.. den haf to carry the inst. haiyo. den r we performin for NCC Day? if can den cool! hahs. cos my cousin can see me performin! hahas.. wad de.. =) crazy lar me. niwae, went home afta band n dats my day.
wednesday which was ytd. go where arh? ooh.. meet my IPW mates.. go cosway find things den come my house. pretty tiring lar. but got some improvement. den laze ard.. dis sunday, meeting som said. *shivers* i'm interviewing her le.. how?? hope i wont stammer. niwae. did i tell guys the bbq was cancelled. sian.. nvm. still got nxt time. so i tink dats my day for wed.
today..tink wud try to fininsh most of the maths hmwk. den start a lil wit eng. den will clean my roon also. haha. so much things to do like can finish like dat! haha. need some motivation lar! hah. where to get? TV lar. haha. niwae, tink my life so far not dat bad.. just a lil prob wit my family! dang. nvm. things take time. the day dat i will not be accused wrongly would be the day pigs fly. haha. everyday, kena scold den blame wrongly. fucking unhappy sia.. but if not happy den sit in room only lor. no big deal. k narh~! wanna eat. byez..

tag replies:
*Raidah: yeah. thnkx!!! yup. if haf the opprtunity ill come down.
`azimahh: yep. u take care too.. hahas.
HANDSOME: u freakin lar u. haha. ahkiahkioahkioahkiahkioahkio~~~!!! hahas
sakinahz: i'll tag some time soon. get well soon yar.
val: yeas..! u tC too!

"i use to stand so tall, i use to stand so proud.
ur arms ard me tight, everything it felt so right.
unbreakable like notin cud go wrong. "

hoho.. just cut my hair ler.. lOl.. so bloody short.. now is can tie but if tie funny liao.. den dunno tink tmr wanna tie or dun.. tink wun ba.. iz n yana also cut short wit gd service de.. haha.. see who bring u all der lar? me! haha.. kk.. today go out ard 12.30 like dat met iz den go west mall. sew rank.. den skali i fall down ba.. so malu! den till now leg pain. tink tmr if got drill wun do. take 187 den go der, edited the iz pic n her bf. so cute manz.. hahs. den cut2 hair.. woohoo~! so fun. but so short.. tmr confirm gel the hair like seow.. if not the hair would like so.. urgh! dunno how to say.. =x den go cosway, took pics. wad de.. the time so short. den go buy slippers.. den go back, eat, den alter pants.. i sew so not nice. thanx mum for helping me!! yay! so tink today is not bad ba.. hmm.. went wanna celebrate iz bdae?? dunno la.. n tink the bbq is gonna be like half fun n not. haiyo.. sian diao.. nvm. k narhs~ wanna sleep.. tink life so far is gd lar.. byezz.. (=

-just one last look n i'm done. gd riddance. (=

"i'm flyin.. so now u noe."

kzz. lets see.. dis gona be short cos tired n sleepy.*yawns* tmr, gonna cut hair wit yana.. woohoo~! can't wait, can't wait. hope iz can come.. zin dahhling is in malaysia.. woow. rock dat town uh gal..! =) hehs. den i gonna alter the pants n sew the rank at west mall. yays.!! den go shoppin.. its a gal thing u noe.. wahahas. thing today, not bad lar.. did notin much. gaf up afta 2 ques on maths.. hehs.. brain dead ardy.. kk, dunno wat to write nimore. ~byezz..

-kindness n madness. whee~!

"when the waits over, u'll noe.."

n yep. ders how i feel rite now. cant sleep so update dis post. haha. suddenly got loads of things to say. kk.. so i think im almost done gettin over him.. got hate him sumtimes also de.. haha.. but nvm lor.. who cares.. yeah. although hes nice in his own ways n i might not get sumone like him eva again, i must just thank god for wateva he's given me. everythins fated. just notice how ***********(go figure) he is. wahaha.. serious de lo.. nvm. n u huh. wa lao. stop flirting wit him ba.. i dun tink he will let go of *she for her.. cos *she is too good to be true for him ardy lo.. so stop it cos thier love for each other is strong.! wahaha.. i so nice rite, write gd things for them. must thank me! xP hahas..
had band. the marching was super farny ler.. march den go faster dem every1 infront started running den my line run den percussion behind cannot run den the gap so far apart lo.. haha. but also damn tired. hope the parade not disastrous.. haha.. n my rank is 1st SGT!!!!! woohoo~!! so nice. den notice all the percussionist get 1st SGT also.. so kind ler the sect leader.. =p hahs..

n thanks val for everything.. althogh our section is a neglected one, ur the most kindest sect leader ive seen.. always so patient,tolerating, kind n thanx for copying the march cards.. n for promoting me to 1st SGT de. ur the best man. thanx again worx!! =))

so tink stop here de.. too tired.. but tink like cannot sleep. nvm. tink do maths lor, to go sleep. k nar..~byezz.

-a chapter closes. a new one awaits.

hello!!
heh. yay! today so happy. woohoo~! luckily wasnt late for band. phew! go thru things for parade n recording. so tired lo actually. but nvm. den got sumkind of bdae celebration n check uniform. den afta dat went to lot1 n met iz n faezah. hah. so fun! faezah so cute! haha.. mk nenek lah she.. den we gosip ard.. wahaha! so fun. den go cosway wit iz.. tot wanna jln2 den end up take neo. hah.. took 2 summore. haha. rich girls for a day mah.. den wanted to buy slippers but no more $$.. heh. nvm. tink mon den go buy lo.. tired lah now. tink i dunno wat else to say but today so fun. haha. better den ytd i tink. haha.. stop here bah.. tired ardy..
~byezz..!!

"when will we collide again.."

hmm. lets udapte dis post again. went east coast today. y everything dat nice must turn bad? y??? so blardy pissed at the ned of the day but yet proud cos i was darn independent! woohoo~! niwae, went reach der walk like crazy den found the rest. so lil peeps oni. shud not haf gone! =x heh. niwae, food was okie but we ps dem den go mc. hah! den bbq cannot start so darm irritated. hahs. niwae, go sit by the beach. so nice when the water splash! so shiok one. den eat also den. den go play sand den go "engrave" his name on the beach den leave der den watch the sea wash it away. so darn nice. just like out story. slowly it fades away.. *sobs* tink alot lar bout him. like 5 mnths pass like dat but cannot get over. heh. niwae, den write alot lar on the sand. like me <3 him, he <3 me our initials.. wahaha! so bhb.. who cares. it was onli me n my fren let us be in our own world for once.. nyehehe.. but so nice. den took it on my cam den put as wallpaper. so darm nice! haha..den was piss by sumthings lar.. but nvm. went back got jam. so sian! den sleep den reach home 15 mins late.. heh.. sorry dad! so dats it!
byezz!!

*wishful praying*

"sumtimes, u just need to wait.."

n so the story goes... heh. life is full of waits. u just need to wait lor. heh. update dis posts. yeah!! i so happy lo. if the rumours are thru(which i dun tink is) den i super duper happy.hehs.. niwae, today was rather boring but njoyed the stay. finally i got the icons dat ive been searching for ages. got one is lord of the rings so blardy stylo but cannot copy.. want to use the other way so ma fan.. heh. niwae, helping to set the table is fun! haha. lameo! xP ahakz.. cannot be blame. feeling rather high i dunno why. hey! dat rhymes! haha.. kk. tmr if dad dun allow me go out den i cannot say anythin ba.. is not dat i din try.. i even say i'lll come back earlier.. but if i miss it den so sian cos got pri. school reunion. confirm so shiok.. den pity aisyah got no one follow den sooo long ardy nvr see the rest.. haiyo. nvm. hope the class bbq is well on its way. tink got notin else wanna say. byezzz...

maybe. just maybe. life's gettin better. *prays* =s

"is it so hard to pretend dat ur happy..?"

bleahs.. i'm partially uplifted n not.. *triple sighs* if onli i knew more things b4, den mayb.. haiss.. i shall open my eyes big2 next time.. niwae, lets talk alot bout today. was late for band. heh. my fault! nvm. den ran thru parade thingy.. so tired n bored. -.- niwae, den march. so tired sias.. march, march, march now hand pain ardy..! sian. den wah piang, full band, record n stuff. so tired like hell den mr chew keep askin us to blow2 so loud.. blardy tired. den go lunch at mac. den go back band so paisey! haha. *covers head* durin fall in want 2 kluar baris dat time is suppose to turn right lo.. den i go turn left.. hahahaha!!! so malu!! summore got him lo behind. waaaaaaa!! paisey!! hahaha... kk, niwae, den band again, so sian... play all those songs till like wanna die.. den got uni check. woah. MChew so strict one.. heh. den go up get 3rd uni den go home lo.. didn't wait for the rest. heart pain a few times sia today but also veh happy lo.. =) den come home surf net den wa lao now i noe who baizurah ardy sias.. how to say arh? ok lar.. heh. so dats my day. n to dat "one frm sembwinds" can like PLS tell me who u r? PLS!!! n how u noe me n stuff.. can contact me at my e-mail: luv_teen@hotmail.com. n he was der on sunday!!! sheesh.. shud haf waited longer.. *smacks forehead* k nar. wanna eat.. n i tink most of u noe who he is already lo.. i dun care cos if u all noe ardy den cannot say anythin rite?? so ya, just keep it on the low.. heh.
~byezzz!!

heyozz!!
today was okie. kinda fun. went to sentosa. for ballon hat festival. so cool. waited n waited for sembwinds to arrive. but dey didn't. so pack off frm siloso beach den go sky tower. i agree it was a waste of money. but hey. its the xperience gain dat counts.. =) niwae, den headed back home.. it was fringgin hot. so blardy hot n the sevice so kanasai! hahas.. niwae, den go to Harbourfront the shopping centre der. *sighs* dun wanna elaborate wat i tink. heh. niwae, went back, ate n here i am. ytd, i dreamt bout him! =))) so happy lo! but only dream mar.. but at least get to "talk" to him for long long long long time. i so luv it when i dream man!! haha.. k nar.. i think dats it lor.. n btw, talkin to iskandar again! god damn it. so enthu bout skins n fathin. hehe. kk.. wanna sleep.
~byezz!!

-the ego of a guy is so damn huge man. i sao hate dat!

elo..
today wasnt dat great. didn't go band today.. tired n i got headache. stupid sias.. ytd was quite fun lo.. went to nccc hq to collect no.3 uniform. so hot n so bored. lucky ah kiao borrow me her mp3. the song all veh nice. niwae, den reach skool hurry back to cck mrt. den he very cute sias.. xP serious. duh. nvm. anuwae, den met imah den go home den at nite, watch movie. watch STAR WARS.. heh. nice ler actually but the ending was so anti-climactic! den b4 go home go eat at coffe shop. den walk to home. so nice ler except dat it was blardy hot. heh. so yep. dats my day so far. im still freakin pissed abt sumtin. heck lar. seriously i dun feel like its the hol. so stressing yet depressing.

*WEITING IS VERY NICE BECAUSE SHE LENT ME HER MP3!!! THANKS SO MUCH!! :)*

elo..!!
bloggin again.. can't wait for nxt wks cos will be more freeier.. heh. is der such a word?? hehs.. okie. so lets see.. had remedial was late. hehe.. did a lot of maths revising.. so good. n a lot crapping.. mr wong darn crappy lar. afta dat naf n ain came my house which we actually did notin. heh. except creating a naked doll. wahaha..!! so funny.. dunno wat to write lar. just sad for sum ppl.. heh.. move on yeh.. all for now..
byezz!!

-yes. i will go to all ends of the earth just to b wit u. chances nvr comes.

hello..!
hehss.. taday is just simple accomplishing. hehs. had maths remedial which i finish revision ex 1! *rejoices* such a nice feeling to complete ur work in such a short period. so rewarding!! heh.. wanna do some today den tmr also. niwae, afta dat, go shop for boxes. manage to fine which was again so nice the feeling to complete work. dunno wat to time le.. so bored lar actually.. i'm so movin on already! although still got rmb him a lil but.. like i said, "jodoh pertemuan di tangan tuhan". ders a will, ders a way.. boys they come n they go.. when its the right time then u'll noe.. ~whee..! stop here..
byezz!

-givin up on band. =l