went to school today! super tiring.
SAS Military Band is OMFG!!
they train untill the night even on saturdays!
and thier sound is like so gooood.
and the level of determination and commitment is so amazing.
comparing, SWISS WINDS was no wear close to them.
butbut.
i love SWISS WINDS still. heee. :D
im just so shock by the difference.

saw SAJC Soccer Girls having a match.
they're goooood!
then i saw SAJC Soccer Boys having training.
saw Han & JemOng. haha!
didnt see Jasper though.
then i saw KHYM! :DDD
she shouted my name and i was like stunned! haha.
(: i love going back to sch on saturdays.

collected SAJC's blazer today too.
its nice! haha.
i've never even worn Swiss's blazer. =x
i took a weird journey back home.
i board 985 from the schools bus stop and then alighted at King Albert's park bus stop. then i switch and took 961 all the way home. zzz... i dunno why i did that. im serious. but it was a journey i havent take for very long already. so, it feels good. i didnt sleep nor read a bk. just stoned and look out of the window. hmm, i guess i like long bus rides. (:

i found out another girl who's eyecandy is Emannuel.
zzz. =.="""
haha.

with every word.

heyyo! (:
been a long time since i blog.

ive alot of things to say!
haha. i saw Emmanuel lots of times today!
:DDDD
LOL.
and i know who WENG's gf is.
and i know who CHARLENE's bf is too.
haha.
yesyes, im kepo.
but! i rarely bitch abt ppl! hahaha. (:

random: i miss ELWIN still... ):

what i did ytd was omfg. i couldnt beleive i did it either.(no! i didnt do anything "physical"!) haha. butbut.. hearing your voice after so veryyyy long is like.. i dunno. how do i put it in words? its like a knife that reopens your wounds. it feels good but it hurts all the same. the familiarity of everything that come with it. feels like i was in my comfort zone. i just still wonder and think aobut how life goes on for you. so many times i wish things could have been better. if i love u still i should have fought for it so bad, the way u did last time. but i couldnt be bothered, so its my fault? yes, i didnt love as much as i did last time. but.. i miss you. ):

having someone to love feels good,
but being LOVED is a feeling you never want to give up.

I CANT GO FOR FUN-O-RAMA TMR! ))):
its my biggest regret luhh.
-.-

im just typing random stuff.
i miss talking to JIAYI. hees.

the way that i love you

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

I woke up kind of early today
And something told me from that moment it wouldn't be the same
It felt like you were hiding something
But I didn't push it, I didn't complain, or say nothing
Tried to act like I didn't see cause deep down I knew I didn't want to believe it
But there it was, it was you and her, you left your sidekick on the night stand and
I read Everything you did and everything you said
Now I'm standing here looking like damn
I thought it was you and I
Now all I got to say is why...

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

I notice now that when I'm around you be trying to lock the door whispering on the phone
Now wait a minute since we've been in this house you ain't never did this before tell me what's this about
I tried to sit and said to myself this here is too good he don't want nothing else
But there is was, it was you and her, you left the credit card receipt inside the Beemer
And everything you bought and everything you spend
And now I'm here once again
I thought it was you and I
Now all I got to say is why...

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

You lied
You lied
Oh why why (yeah)
Why you have to lie to me
Why you have to lie to me
Why you have to lie to me (why)

After all of this times that we tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same...

The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)
The way that I love you (the way that I love you)

beautiful song! (:
hmm... todays day out with firqin and renee was nice. i would watch SKY OF LOVE over and over again if i had the time and $$. haha. a must watch for ppl who are "lovey-dovey"/emotional. strictly not for insensitive boys! haha. (: dwld many songs today. nothing much to say though.

oh, seeing your nick hurts so bad. i wonder who it is. who's the lucky one this time round? yes, im sad. but if i love you, i should let you go if it makes you happy.

"if you are meant to be with sombody, he will come back to you someday"

-go away before i start to CRY.... ):

i wish i watched LEAP YRS.
-its better to have love and lost then not to have loved at all. (:

-this time i let you go so i can be free, and live my life the way it should be. no matter how hard it is, i'll be fine without you.

too much to handle?

i figured that life's too short.
(its gonna be a long post so dont bother!)

there are just so many things to do every single day that when you ignore them, it becomes worst. i dont know. it seems weird when you finally sit down and look back at what life has in store, what you went through, its amazing that things happen so quickly, you dont even have time to appreciate them. i've learnt alot. from my past esp. thanks to so many people. (:

while clearing my room today,
i stumbled across so many things.
thus, i spent ONE WHOLE DAY stumbling, pondering, reading, thinking, reflecting on alot of things. found things from waaaay back since pri. sch days.

i found my ex bestfriend photo; AISYAH.
i'm clueless bout where she is now, but i do miss her lots. all those days in primary school. liking the same boys, eating the mee soto with lotsa chilli, cracking jokes, copying hmwk, envying each others result. so much. (: i really hope i'll bump into her soooon. saw her pics in glenda's blog. so i figured out, she's working at swensens's too. hahs.

found lots of different diary i used to had.
god, there was alot! haha.
from the 1st to yan to marcus... -.-
i had ALOT to say. reading thorugh it was like being in a time capsule.
i found the diary me, izzati and fizzah used to have too!
omg. so much memories. so childish they way we wrote. hahaha. i feel like relieving those days cos beleive it or not, it was the best times of my life, and i could never click with anyone better other that the 2 of them. i mean all 3 of us was so perfect together, in my opinion. but of course, things change, people change. im glad it happen and now, that its over... well, (: amazingly enough, i didnt have a single entry on any diary about han yang. i dont know why. perhaps, i was too caught up with blogging that time, i'd rather type it then write it down. either way, it helps alot in moving on. (:

and... in one of my pri. sch diary, i saw SAMUEL WANG'S name in 2 of them. hahaha! i laugh out loud to myself when i read the entry. i use to hate him so much, but at the end of p.6, he was in my "Gold" friend list. (: LOL.

ok. so my table's cleared!
no more o'level post-its on the walls, threw away ALL my chem, geog & e.maths notes. they have no relevance to my future! hahaha. (:

well, i've been missing out in alot of happenings.
truthfully, i miss a friend alot.
a GIRLfriend that is. )):

ok, my entry stops here. i think if you've been reading it, you've wasted 5 mins of yor life again! haha. anw, i know ALOT of ppl read my blog, but nobody tags! haha. ppl like andrea, jasmine, audrey, renee and iskandar! haha. but its ok. (:

I MISS 4E4 ALOT!!! ))):

- cos in your eyes i see my future in an instant.

fallin harder. LITERALLY.

omg. im tired.
but wait!

IM DONE WITH GP ESSAY AND PW HMWK!
:DDDD
you dunno how releif i am.
i was trying so hard to not sign into MSN!
and i did it! haha. (: thank god!

ok. lets start with happy stuff.
.
.
.
wait. theres not much.
oh ya! this morning was fun! yeaa. (:
*funny wat fate has in store.
haha.

i think i'm talking crap.
oh. my leg and neck have a bad bruise on it. ):
and its hurting alot cos i cant move my neck and leg as freely.
and its all because of HAN!!!
dat rock solid body of his... -.-
haha. i bumped into him during captains ball ytd.
he jumped, i jumped for the ball and....
ok. crash! haha.
it didnt impacted him in anyway but i instantaneously fell to the ground.
omg. hahahaha!
i was like: "eyy.. wat ur mum give u eat ah?"
haha. =)

wokae. honestly, truthfully...
im feeling emo. haha. i dunno why.
i miss alot of ppl luhh basically. ):
going home superrrr late today alone felt like the suckiest thing ever!
suck balls lahh.
why must i even WANT to commit. ):

for everthing you gain, you lose something.
i agree on this.
i sosososososososooooooo AGREEE on that phrase.
go figure.

random: I MISS ELWIN. haha. ):

- like a silly joke or someting on the tv, boy it aint easy.

today was perrfectttt! (:
hahaha.
otw to meeting RENEE;
i say my eyeeee candeyyyyhhhhhhh!
:DDDDD
ok. not really eye candy lahh.
but someone i was missing?
yahhh. whatever lahh,
point is: IM HAPPY. (:

and then headed down to QUEESWAY.
met 2 couples! haha.
namely: marcus&jazr, wj&joan.
so coincidental lahh. (:
bought my shoes!
not totally wat i want, but gd enough.
:D

oh, i tell u ah.
im gonna go P****!
during the june hols! yeaaa.
:DDD

i think i have nothing else to say.
except that ...
haha.
it feels damn NICE when i talk to you.
yahh. times like now! (: hees.
(but i know it doesnt matter to you, somehow. =\)

ok. i wanna go sleep.
bye!

-all of our friends saw from the start so why didnt we believe it too. (:

i cant sleep so i'll blog. haha.
you can skip this entry cos i'll be ranting on and on about things that won't even matter to you. haha.

yesterday was awesome. :D
after so verrryyyy long; it feels nice.
even better. (:
hahaha.

today went out with CHELTTON.
to simply slack and catch up. (:
i love spending time with him cos its like, i dunno. i can be myself, i can keep quiet i can crap, i can be stupid all in a day and he's always so patient. haha.
thanks for the treatssssssSSSS! (:
and don't be late next time! haha.

hmm.. thought about lots of things today.
i msg a certain someone today thinkin that she would you know, somehow realise that i do miss her lots. butbut... it doesnt seem to matter anymore. we dont even talk nor call. and worst, you dont bother. i've been trying so hard this days to make it right, to get back to how we all began. but its impossible. i dont even know what goes on in your life and thus, i dont think im fit to be called your FRIEND. cos i'll be ashamed if someday, some random person ask about you and i'll be clueless. you dont even make that effort. the ignorance coming from you is appaling. so much for BFFF. i truly hate the term and i dont think ppl should refer or call us **** anymore. cos none of us deserve it. not a SINGLE one.. it sucks but when reality sets in and when things really becomes all nasty, and when everybody starts to get busy, our friendship is tested and none of us seem to win this battle. or should i say none of us bother to fight for it. not even me, yes. i thought we should stand behind each other, be those kind who will call each other anytime, give a surprise msg, call etc. anything. but no.. it never was. -was it? lets face reality and admit, that theres no more **** right?

im not angry, not even upset.
just disappointed, cos this is not the first.
oh well, sorry if i hurt anyone whatsoever cos its bothering me and its getting on my nerves.

ok. besides that, i wanna talk about something else.
but, i rather not.
hmm...

i feel like theres something missing. like everything i do, i dont really feel a sense of accomplishment. and i have no idea why. i think the thought of losing so many close ones and finding back old ones is too overwhelming tht i cant sort out whats good and not. what i should keep and what i shouldnt. it seems like everything is starting back all over again. and nothing this time round is going the way i plan. its like im going through god's motion and just let everything pass by without a good reason. its seems pointless.

oh well, i dont think i sound like i make any sense in the above paragraph. haha.
ok. i want a 4E4 PPL GATHRING &
SHANGHAI PPL GATHERING
sooooooooooon. (:

i save this paragraph as a draft and i found it while looking through my archive:
13.10.2007
ytd was such a nice evening.i cant say much but yahh.i've done all those stuff i did wit u ytd wit others.but ytd. the feelin was so different.so much better.sumtin i've NEVER felt.i wanna rip my heart out n tell the whole world is dat i want but sumtins holdin me back.its just dosnt feel rite sumwhere along the line.u know, i wished u come earlier.cos den i wont even tink twice bout havin u.but now. im tinkin thrice. ):niwae. thnx for everytin.given a million yrs, im very sure i still wont find sumone like u.all those things u did, only i know.i'll foreva rmb. thnx.

haha. it seems funny when i think about it.
go figure.

gonna go out wit RENEE tmr.
hehehe.
gonna get my SNEAKERSSS. (:

ohoh. and if you've been reading through everytin,
i guess you've just wasted 7 mins of your life ,
knowing bout my life.
hahaha.

- the state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars. (:

i have alot of things to say.
but am always too tired.

ok. changed my blogskin cos its cleaner and nicer.
and it helps when there are not much pics.
haha. (:

CCA SIGN-UP DAY IN SAJC.
bloody screw up/ kill my mood day.

1. 10001 girls wanna join TOUCH RUGBY. =x
2. SAJC CANOE trains 4 TIMES a wk. wtf.
(no wonder most of them retain. *tsk.)
3. SAJC BAND. zzz...
-EVERYONE KNOWS WHY I CANT.
(notice i say can't. not DON'T WANT. )
)))):
4. ODAC.
(i have my reasons to NOT join.)

i hate that i CANNOT join anythin i really LIKE in SAJC. yes, to those of you who knows my prob with it.. you'll know. =\ i feel damn pissed lahh. why is everything so missionary in sch. it sucks and im not used to it. i feel like an outcast. like someone who dont belong there. i feel so god damn jealous of those ppl in JJC now. without a shadow of a doubt, i'd have join council but now.. sucks.

I CANT EVEN JOIN BAND. for sertain reasons. even though they sound so damn good ok. they were playing at the cafe and i was at the Jacob Ballas bridge der and i could still hear them all nice and articulated. i feel so.... )): sad. extremely sad. ))): i still have the passion for it. and i still wanna be in it. i dun beleive a single shit abt all those stuff ppl tell me but yet, i feel guilty. i really wanna join SAJC BAND. )))))))):

i want to voice up something:
can you stop following every single thing i do! its pissing me off and it sucks to be under your nose lahh. wtf. i need to tell someone but WHO?!!! ))))): its truly disturbing me lahhhh.

went back to SWISS last tuesday!
fun times catching up, seeing everyone! (:
wanted to have SHANGHAI ppl dinner but most of the sec 4s had to go home. so in the end, went dinner with AUDREY, JASPER & JARAD.

yesterday:
celebrated SIYUAN'S & JAZREELS bdae! :D
nice time catching up with everysingle one of them.
and bitching with guys are the best. except that they are a tad too vulgar.
LOLS.

on a so much brighter note,
school is getting better.
in sch ytd, JASPER and HAN & KHYM was introducing me to some soccer boys which i forget thier names again! haha. cos they were trying their best to convince me that SA soccer boys are not arrogant. ok, true enough. some of them are not. but... they still havent prove to me TOTALLY. haha. oh well. GOOD LUCK to all of them since they gonna go... ooops. think i say too much liao. =x haha. but i finally felt some kind of true happiness while joking and talking to them.

and....
tmr is 8th MARCH!
hahaha.
(:

I FEEL TOO LAZY TO EDIT AND PUT COLORS.

-with patience, comes everything else.
i wanna say that im thankful for whatever blessings you have given me and for helping me move on so easily. now i know why you plan all those and why things happen. thank you ALLAH. (:

we dont have a right to question god.
do we?

that familiar stare.

hello.
reading blogs of ppl writing about JJ NIGHT is awesome. hahs. the feeling of satisfaction is even greater when u read those blogs of ppl who initially hated JJC. (: i feel contented although i wasnt there during the whole duration of the camp. i really miss JJ alot. ):

i miss the super long journey to sch. i miss cursing the bus driver cos he would drive so slowly to school. i'll miss seeing FAIZAL's face. i miss sitting at the Shadows table cos it overlooks the field and its super near to where someone always sit. (: haa. so much great memories. i miss being in the Leaders Network. i miss discussing orientation plans with my comm.

after reading Damien's blog, i realise so much things. this is the LAST batch of shadows. cos there'll be no 2nd intake nxt yr and councillors will do everytin nxt yr. if i'd stay in JJ, i would have run for councillor cos most of them have inspired me to be one. to make a difference, to take up that challnge. not being a SHADOW would also mean that we no longer have the privilage of stayin in the Leaders Network. i dunno why i'm sayin all this even though im not in JJ anymore. i look forward to seeing the shadows become councillors. (:

nobody knows how our camp is until they've experience it themselves.
JJ NIGHT was truly awesome!
good job to everyone! (:

proud to be a TEAM JJ LEADER!
i got my red, orange and green leaders tee. (((:

i ardy plan to really start a new tmr in SAJC.
no matter how difficult it is, i'll try.
positive attitude! yeahh! hahs.
im gonna be a mugger. really! haha.

ok. on a BRIGHTERRR note!
im looking forward to 8th March. hahs. :DDD
after so verryyy long i wonder how it'll turn out to be.
- it brings back wonderful memories.
but this time round, no feelings/hopes etc.
justFRIENDS. :)