. its an end.

hey peeps! just came back frm band. n was blog hoppin den read yuh tings blog. hah. n i rmbered dat dis might be my last ntry for 2005. heh. yep. cos tmr i goin msia. its gonna be a real long one. haha. as usual. some reflections. so skip it if u want to. scared some of you moved to tears la. lol. k.

well. dis yr. hard i must say. january was my best mnth for dis yr. heh. still rmb dat day he sent me home. wow! haha. cannot describe ar the feeling. really best. but then things worsen btwn us n leads to wat we are now. as much as i dun wanna talk about it, i just want to let it out la. not all but most. after all, its been in me for 1 yr leh. hah.

february: still rmbered dat day i found out about both of u. n i found out everything by myself. haiz. but i was proud myself. den realise no matter how sad i was, i must accept facts eh? n dat time. i really thank ZIYL for bein der for me. i will nvr forget everythin we've been thru. no matter how many times i get upset over some things among us, i will always rmb our times tgther. n dat fight we had when der was 5 of us. yeah. it was cruel but i will nvr forget the other mmber. rmb dat time we cried in hmt class bcos of sum1? yup. dat we'll be the day i'll nvr forget.

april: SYF '05. i'll nvr forget dat period n the day itself. SWISS WINDS ROCKED THE HALL AGAIN! n i will nvr forget dat moment we all just jumped as one band when we knew abt the GWH. n for the 1st time i cried tears of joy. it was the best thing in my life! =) dat time too was the hardest for me. reality began setting in and realise the real hard facts of life. the stress at dat time was really argh. cannot manage ar but again thanx to my gals. i became better. heh.

aiya. i think if wanna write everything until tmr also wont finish. just too sum up i reall luv my frens my family n swiss winds. n my resolution would be to pass maths no matter wat. yeah. i will try my hardest n i wanna do my parents proud. yep.

about relationships. if u ask me whether i gif up ardy? the answer is no. haha. i'll wait n wait n wait until mayb i found sum1 better than him which is like impossible. ever heard of: "the perfect one only comes once n for awhile"? hahh. dats so damn true. lol. i'm not gonna be thick skin la n say dis n dat but i mean he ardy found his happiness. n i've nvr blamed anyone but myself for dis. hah. just hope one day god will gif me the light. heh. so yup.

ZIYL. just hope we'll bond better n face wateva comes in our way okie. in times to come, lets hope we stick wit each other always. muacks for all 3 of u! =)

my family. hah. yup. i luv dem. though now my sister workin, i miss those times together. hah. but i think my family has bonded closer n no one can be as good as my dad. luv him so much. i know he cares for me n i luv him! haha. my mum. she's the best la! hah. luv dem all.

not forgettin my dearest 2E5. yep. dis class has been real great to me. Mr seng the best form teacher ever. yep. thanx for trusting me to lead the class. n the whole bunch of ppl i have to love. hah. yup. the teachers as well. we've bonded for two yrs n i'll nvr forget dem. frm rusty rabbits to nicholas n dora n all la. haha. will miss u guys. =)

woah. okie. i think dis is very long la. haha. niwae, today went for band den went to JP. haha. life's gd when u enjoy it. sakinah is the most cutest women on earth la! haha. shall not say wat happen. hah. den went home den guess who i saw?? haha. my crush! haha. my neighbour rather. haha. he very handsome ar! haha. i like. den he smiled to me so i guess todays not dat bad! haha. n bloggers bein mean. my pictures dont come out. damn. haha. k lah shall stop here. byezz!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

. its a need.

hey ppl. gd morning. i feelin very bored n lonely ar. y?? very depressing sia. haiz. nvm. ytd had band. alah. very bored la. dun feel like goin band seh. but nvm. must just work hard. ytd. aisyah calld and ask me whther want see marsiling band play. i wanna see them play la but nobody to accompany. damn bored la. wanna ask my gals to go out too but dey as usual cant be contacted. damn. i wish my brothers are old enough so i can bring dem out n stuff. its bored in here. REALLY. haiz. k la. i stop here. notin to say.

~byez.!

. jinggle all the way.

hoho. dis might be a lil late but Merry Christmas! lol. ok. havent update for a long time. lets start frm saturday ya.

on saturday. my family excludin my sis when to east coast. yeah. soo fun la! haha. long time nvr swim ar. my bro all veh cute. luv dem to bits. i prepared food! heh. i know how to cook ppl. lol. den head down to east coast n in the bus, it rain. -.- hah. so we sat under dis block n we look so pathetic la. haha. took pictures n finished a third of the picnic food. lol. but den the rain stopped n den we headed for the beach. nice man. was thinkin bout sum stuff but nah. didnt want to spoil my mood so i didnt really think dat much. mum n dad so romantic la. aww~~. hahs. afta the picnic, headed for causway, buy food den home sweet home. =)

on sunday, accompany mum to sheng siong. =.-" hah. but actually fun la. bought loads of cheap cheap stuff den headed home. at home, celebrated amri's bdae. alamak. dat guy cute like hell la. haha. bought for him dis teddy bear. haha. cute la. love my bro to bits! *mmuuaahh! haha.

on monday, which was ytd. went TOWN!!! haha. went der wit yana. cudnt get iz n zin. sorry gals. but nevertheless, me n yana had so much fun uh! haha. 1st we went to far east plaza der. wanted to find bag. she found hers at only $15 leh. so cheap. hah. tried to find mine but to no avail la. so bored. but i bought dis diary at paper people. so nice la! i like. but very pink! lol. den afta dat went kfc and had lunch. haha. talk so much la to catch up on our lives. ooh ya. saw yuh ting too! haha. she workin but dunno she saw me or not! lol. den afta dat headed to pacific plaza. went to all the surfer's shop la. haha. very fun. still cudnt find wat i wanted la. so bored! den went to wisma. *memories* -walked ard der still cannot find wat i want. so wanted to go heeren but den we took the wrong turn. haha. tk tau jln lah katekn. lol. so at last when forum. haha. go toys r us. very funny la. den afta dat, when coffee bean den when back to wisma den went causewaypoint. went to power 9 den got my bag!!! haha. i luv it la. billabong bag. $49.90. hah. i luv luv luv it la! haha. very plain but i like! haha. den the sales gal very frenly la. ask me buy more billabong stuff. ended buyin dis water bottle. hah. veh funny. come to tink of it, i got so many billabong stuff sia! haha. crazy ardy. so den went back home! ~whee.! i luv dat day. =D

TODAY. didnt do much. want complete all my holiday assignment. alot sia. hahs. n dis ntry so long. sorry la ppl. better write dis stuff den those depressing ones rite? hahs. so yup. dats all folks. ~ adioz! =))

p.s: my bag rocks!! hah. =)

. tired.

hey peeps. just came back frm band, tiring day. during band sumtin happen ar. u, pls. PLS. dun flirt! i'mso disgusted la. saw azimah afta parade den broke down while tellin her wat i saw. i cudnt bare it la. its like why she must like dat? its damn unfair la. afta band, quickly went home. met my very close friend. his kind la. ate n talk to him abt evrything. thank god he's der. his gal so lucky. afta ate, went home n hear i am. i'm really trying my best. really seriously. haiz. k la. stop here. byez.

= i wanna tell u everythin. evrythin...

hello ppl. i'm bored la. later goin out to causeway. guess wat. just read all my previous post and my other rotted blog. man. der was so much happy and sad things in those stuff. most of it was abt him. haiz. i just wish ar. i just wish... argh. the most depressing one was durin SYF period. so much memories. argh. u know wat. now, i wish i havent read all those stuff. ders just too much in those entries. too much. n actually wanted go ut today but den ya la. friends.. really wonder wat dey do u know. dey say dey miss u but den when u msg dem, dey dont reply and the other has sumtin on. dun even talk bout the other. oh hell. everythins crushin. might as well die n ur i miss u's dun mean a thang after all rite? damn. no. i'm not scoldin or blamin anyone. i'm just feeling so urmm.. complicated?? yes. dats it. i'll stop here la b4 i blabber more nonsense. byez.

*just rmb us at our best.

. i'm not gonna lie.

hello peeps! yep. back frm band camp at NCC HQ. was okie lar. as expected, average. not so much fun but on the whole ok la. der was a lot of band prac and dat was tirin. drills was killin me la. but the food was GREAT! haha. actually the bunks also okie lar. n one thing 4 sure dat place luv steep stairs! haha. serious la. got so many steps so steep. came back ytd straight away sleep. frm 6 p.m. to 6 a.m ar. hahs. 12 hrs sleep den today wake up so early. cannot sleep anymore. lol. urmm. wat else ar. tink dats it la. not much to say. 2nd nite, b4 i sleep, i rmbered sumtin. dun wanna tok abt it. n to sumone, dun even try ya. cos i'm over u and der's only one person dat if ever he comes back, den i'll be happy. not u. so pls. dun even try. n last but not least. SWISS WINDS RAWKSS!!! =)

LONELY.

Hello peeps! god. i'm so bored. i'm all alone at nite. my whole family went orchard sia. haha. so since i'm bored i'll write wateva happened ytd n today! hahs.

ytd was performance at Taka. Orchard. heh. went skul wit azimah. oh earlier went cosway and shop! haha. very fun lah my mum. ate at KFC. den met azimah and we were off to school la. den in the bus to orchard, sat opposite jolene n azimah n luqman. man. the cornets all are darn crappy! haha. den reach the place and den had dinner. only cud find KFC to eat. so dat was like two times KFC leh. ate very lil onli cos not much time also. den performance was great ar! hah. oh ya. passed by WISMA! gosh. rmbered so much sia but just looked on the bright side. heh. alot of ppl praised us. but i tink ppl need to learn how to clap ar. =x saw alot of seniors too! haha. miss dem la. so den went home. in the bus was okie la. didnt notice my wallet drop. azimah took it den i only found out went in the bandroom. hahs. i feel so DUMB. lols. but ytd was great la. i luv SWISS WINDS! =)

today. hah. more fun la. went out wit my family to causeway point. had dinner at seoul garden ar! hehs. ate so much den went courts. actually wanted to buy dis Plasma TV den skali der was dis auction goin on. den my parents join the bid ar. very fun la! at last we won the bid for dis juice maker and a laptop! ~whee. haha. very exciting ar. the laptop actual price was $2400 plus but we got it at $1000 plus only. lols. den went home. had dinner den my parents left for orchard. dey want see christmas lights. =.-" haha. didnt wanna join cos was tired and i just went der ytd so not much diff. so den at home, watched The Santa Claus 2, Mean Girls n halfway watch Lord of The Rings. woahs. so now i very tired ar n feelin rather lonely. haha. wanna watch some more tv den i switch off for the day.

so yep. dats was my long lo0ng ntry. lols. aites. i stop here. MERRY CHRISTMAS ya? =) ~adioz!

. less words.

~aww. i miss this gals man! when can we go out togeder?? argh. miss u guys a hell load. must go out nxt wk aite?? haish. okie. today's been real boring. went jogging! hahs. very bored la in the morn den decided to go 4 jog at 7 in the morning lehs!! haha. den went to mosque to pay some stuff den went back home . reached home accompany my sis go down buy things den she blanja me ice-cream. hah. sweetness. den go home. den later either goin town or esplanade. wahas. finally goin out n abt. wanna buy shirts!! heh. n perf dis friday. yeah. haha. at orchard. =x aiya. hope wont tink too much ar. i dun wanna spoil my mood cos its christmas! hahs. k i stop here la. very tired. ~adioz!!

- fake thru it all. but u cant escape my eyes.

ur hinting n hurting me. again. time can prove it all later. its ok for now. haf it ur way but here, i'll do it mine. yup. be happy cos dats wat lifes about. gif it more time n u understand how it looks like to see it all frm here. lonely it may be, torturous it seems but ultimately it would be nicer when the cycle goes the other way around. understand wat i mean n soon u'll know. life's, not alwaes about u, her or i. so go, run along. be happy like the world is cos when it comes to me, it'll be different. and a happiness of a new kind.

. nobody ever took me higher.

me n my mommy! haha. see the flamigoes! hah. they also want to share the limelight la! lol.









me n mom again! =)










me n anwar. we look so dumb. hahs. -.-"











they loo like pink and wihte dots rite? hah. those are flamingoes la. hah. i was frm the god noes wat floor when i took dat. hah. so cudnt really see those adorable creatures. =)








n yup. those are pics for dat day. click on it for bigger view. =)
i'm so bored la. ytd was the same. anyhoos. ders band tmr so i shall look forward to it though ders notin special abt it to look forward too. -.- hah. okie. band camp comin!! ~whee. haha. ok la. maybe i not so xcited cos last yr band camp was the thing dat make it or break it n but eventually it break it all. so still half-hearted to go. havent paid yet n i might just be leavin for god noes where b4 band camp. wahas. i dun haf much more to blog abt la. just dat one thing weird. for 2 freakin straight days which is like ytd nite n saturday's nite, i think bout him to sleep and den i dreamt bout him. haha. for 2 straight nite's ar! how werid n cool rite? haha. both dreams are like soo sweet la. haha. but den again. reality kills, so at the end of the day. its just a dream. heh. all 4 now. ~byezz.!

- everythin started... a year ago.

hello. gosh. damn tired ar. today is 10 december 2005. the day. D-DAY. god. so fast 1 year ardy. niwae, went bird park today! haha. cousins wedding! the view is like god damn nice! if got time i load the pics. started thinkin bout band dinner last yr der. hah. alwaes go toilet den got him. n swiss five perform n stuff. woah. so nice the feeling. =) niwae, ytd was nice. kept laughing. i luv my sect, i luv percussion n i love tuba. haha. w/o dem parades will be like so bored. hahs. poor gayatri alwaes kena disturb. haha.

haiz. n today, was like thanx to family la. if not i cud haf break down anytime. started thinkin of today 1 year ago at orchard.. damn. the best days of my life!! argh. but nvm. ders no use thinkin bout it. rite? least hes happy now. one weird thing i keep thinkin off was wat wud haf happen if things didnt change? haha. of corse its gonna be like living in a fantasy. but sometimes, fantasies end too. rite? well. one quote for the day. "love alwaes exist, it just dies sumtimes." every word means sumtin ar. hah. k ah. the sadness settling in. damn. wanna sleep b4 it gets worse. ~toodles.! =))

; beacuse of you i learnt to play on the safe side so i wont get hurt.. anymore.

. cos we both knew better.

had band! haha. drills were torturous. the headache was like god! but nvm la. tmr mayb wont attend parade. afta band, went home wit azimah. saw ZH. den its like argh. how the hell he know?? stupid sia. hahs. now i wonder how many other peeps know.. gosh. scary. niwae, went eat at long john. den walk2 at causeway point den walked home under the scorchin sun. haha. *crazy* i luv today. i dunno why. hahs. see him many2 times maybe?? haha. k lah. i veh bored la now. chattin wit iz.. stop here for the day. =) ~toodles.

; 2 more days to 10.12.05. *bitter sweet memories.

= just a lil bit more.

aloha peeps! whees. today real tired ar. haha. woke up, bathe den met izzzati to buy skool bks. gdness. darn heavy man those stuff. but i like the new bks. very NEW. -.- haha. cant wait to start the term actually. been doin hmwk like god noes wat. haha. hopefully can finish b4 the last wk of hols. wahas. saw his fren too just now. so "mepek". hahs. sorry for the usage of mly. haha.

n btw, i found out sumtin new! haha. my cousins haf blogs!!! haha. k fine. i know. veh lame. but ya. i know dey haf blogs. haha. on the sadder part of life, havin this blardy sickness. god. very irritating. hope it cures b4 this friday. or i rather die goin thru this sickness like last yr. at this very moment last yr, things when so wrong for my side la. haha. k la. wanna go complete the fuckin assignments. ~ciao! =)

+ alwaes my only one.

helo peeps. so long nvr update. todays like so super duper very bad luck. haish. woke up at 7.30 when band starts at 8. damn it. late again. den when was ready, got dis headache in my brain cos last nite slept like at 5 in the morn. -.- but den still walk to bus stop. den was like cannot tahan, go back home. hahs. reach home, ate breakfast. forget to eat medicine. stupid rite. msg ppl den watch tv den sleep. woke up ard 4. god. i felt like zombie. haha. den wanted to meet sumone but den got no time so yup. i'm here. wanna do hol assignment. yup. so i tink dats my day. still havin dat splittin headache. btw, christmas is coming! yay. haha. love the band songs ar. haha. n still rmb last year. gdness. haha. the best days of my life wit him. =)) aitez. i'll stop here. btw, y do ppl alwaes jugde ppl withour even knowin dem? hahs. wat a weird weird world. toodles~.


; the future depends on the ppl who believe in the beauty of their dreams. *so true. =)

dinner picss!! =D

very candid pic. lol. haha. though the victim was not seen clearly. hahs. azimah knows why. nyaha. =P











luqman n me.. haha. luv dis pic man. =D











the malay gals.. =) lovely.


so der dey are. for more go to the other webbie which is: www.luvteen-pictures.blogspot.com. =))

aites ppl. for any pics at all dat u want frm me, go to dis add: www.luvteen-pictures.blogspot.com. yep. copy and save frm der. so njoy! haha. u want any pics develop, tell me, i'll do it for u but must pay lar of course. hahas. i just savin the trouble for u guys u know. hahs. so yup. dats it. njoy. =))

special. in HIS on ways...

yayness! i'm back. loads to talk bout la. firstly raye was fun. luv the outings. all special to me. esp the band one. yep. luv dat day a hell load. hehs. band dinner last nite! so sad its over. prefered last years one though. it was all about xtreme happiness n sadness. argh. it was all so nice until dat last bit of the nite. took pics n real fun. i want the pics now!!! hah. ok. dunno wat else to blog abt. will miss the seniors ar. haish. how time flies. aites. i'll upload all the pics soon. dun make noise k, den i upload. hahs. n btw, i haf enuf crap in my life rite now, i dun need more. so if its ok, stop hurtin me cos i dun need it. its not like my life is so perfect now. (not directing to anyone in particular ya.) ok. till den. ~adios.

-i will not fall the way u did.

aitez. i'm back. had band. gosh. starting to think bout him ar. f*ck. hate it man. cant beleive its ardy one year. 1st time sia. haha. niwae, tink bout it, ytd my cousin ask me whether i still like him and i said duh. n here's wat she say:"wow! so long. nvr mind wait a lil longer and he'll come to u. i've seen it happenin a lot of times dis yr." i was thinkin bout it den i was like argh. as if. he'll do dat. aites. tmr haf band. measn jln raye cancel. damn. argh. pity azimah ar. n found out we both dun really like somebody. haha. okie. dunno wat else to write. stop here. ~byez.

helo. well. deleted wat i just wrote and now a new. i shall write really long cos been a long time since i'm here and i'm bored. hah. ok. so on thurs and fri, went to jln raye. heh. interesting ba. reali very fun. got bout nearly $40. whee.. haha. went back late both of nites. was dead beat. on sat had band. okie. things are really bad lar. dun wanna complain or say anythin here. but to my juniors, work hard eh. SYF aint easy and start workin ur butts off and dun PON!!! it's a crime! argh. hah. on sunday, had open house. hell. fringgin tired lar. had fun though. mum cook alot. n i mean ALOT. hahs. today, didnt go maths. had headache lar. so didnt go. stayed home and rotted. =x ahakz. started maths hmwk. yes. i did. hah. tmr haf band. niwae, band dinner comin up. god. no mood to go sia. confirm not fun. haiz. but i paid ardy lar. so cant do anythin. hope it'll be as nice as last yr. but obviously different. at least last yr we still talked. now no more. haiz. k. nvm. urm. on wed go jln. heh. hope we'll be fun. thurs and fri go again! yeah. $_$ ahakz. k ar. i shall stop here. byezz.~

-my heart cant possibly break when it wasnt even whole to start with.

whhosh. i'm back. went out just now. go lepak. wahas. fun eh. tmr mayb go out jln raye. yayness. hehe. k. not much to blog abt. listening to because of u. argh. wat nice song. simply describes how i feel now. heh. aitez. goin off. ~byezz!

; cos i nvr had nobody do me like u.

ello.. whees. listening to like u. nice man. hah. just came back frm remedial. ok lar. mykk teach so fast ar. cannot catch up. nvm lar. dunno wat to blog abt. ah yar. band christmas songs all so nice but it reminds me of sumtin so sad lar. haish. dun wanna think. but alwaes come back. nvm. aitez. i'll re-blog later. tired lar. hah. wanna makan. btw, hows the song. dun ask me wat or where dis song come frm. hahs. ~adios!


i aint nvr had nobody show me
all the special things dat u show
me in a special way,
and dats how i feel babe
we gona alwaes be togeder,
baby dats wat u tell me and i beleive it,
cos i neva had nodody do me like u.

-we had joy. we had fun. we had seasons in the sun.

hello. looong time didnt update. bz lah. niwae, made a decision ytd. hope its gd lar. today didnt do much. went out in the aftann. woah. his hair blonde! haha. like mat rep[sp?]. hahs. den tink dats it. went home. accompanied sis cut hair den here i am. hah. tmr haf band. damn. must come out $40. haish. big lobang in my collection sia. nvm. ask mummy lo.. hahs. cant wait to jln raye wit all my frens. even band ppl goin out. yayness. hah. k lar. tink dats all i wanna say. thinkin hard bout sumtin. haix. nvm lar. k peeps. stop here for the day. btw, how was ur day? =) ~byezz..!

-kill the fun. its not bout the merry rides nimore.

HELL. hah. today so tired. had band. wat else? heex. b4 i start just wanna say, scratch dat fuckin previous ntry. it was at moment of when things were swirling. oh fuck. how petty i was. niwae, few days back, when we msged, it hit me dat it was ard now dat it started. yes der were those oohlala thingy feeling but not so major lah. hah. after all, he has someone else. fullstop lock. hahas. forget bout the crap. i'm movin on. oh wat shit, as if. niwae, on much much much more happier note, Slamat hari raye to all those out der. money came rollin lah on thurs. *grins widely* ahakz. had band today. i was fooled. tipah tertipu man. hah. tot their "earlier" was some 12 o'clock like dat but den it was at 4. -.-" *stupified* ahakz. went back home, when i took the trouble to jaga my adek skali kena scold. wat fuck. pissin me off lah. sheesh. like as if my freakin fault. niwae, now readin DAN BROWNS: DIGITAL FORTRESS. ~oohwee.. the only book dat captures me besides harry potter. but harry is still 1st lah. dis bk second. embarkin on da vince code soon lah. tot wanna write sumtin else but forget. ooh.. nvm la. keep it for nxt yr. ahakz. dunno wat else to write ya. so ~adios.! =)

~it ends here..

haix. really no mood now. read sumtin. omg. so touched. now i know where things went wrong. nvm. it has to end one day niwae. i dunno and i dun want to write more now. everything is running so fast in my mind. so the hope stops here but it still continues.. i wana breakaway. let go. i dun blame anyone. just dat now, i wish things didnt even started.. =( ~byezz.

hello.. well, dont really havf much to blog abt. ytd had band. den went home straight. tired lah. den think i sep t all the way. today morning, wake up den go mosque. help out some stuff. hehkz. dpt pahale tau. den went causeway. den afta dat went home, slack ard, clean room and till now still havent finish, and help mum wash the ketupat leaves. phew! tired sia. but nvm. all for my mummy. hehs. k nar. dunno wat else to write. byezz..


-ard one year ago, it began... *memories.

- a declaration of independance....... s o o n.

okie. i'm back. got back results. -.- fail maths. damn la. dunno how to tell dad. on the other hand got into pure hist. yayness. but i the only malay gal leh. damn. the rest all boys. argh. nvm. must learn to be independant and make frens fast2. hah. n to tink my class nxt yr is wit bio students leh. haix. must work hard so wont be paisey infront of dem. nxt year must realli concentrate lar. cant afford to fail maths nimore. my class is 3E4 ya.. n i'll realli miss 2e5. all of us must work hard. i luv dis class a lot lar. haix. will miss dem. niwae, today was okie. talk a lot wit yana. haix. dun wish to say wat we talk about. just dat reallly sad-ed. hahs. went back ard 4. went out again to cosway. met mum. went cosway. bought hari raya things. went back, go terawih den here i am lar. boring sia. k la. dunno wat else to write. hope dad comes back wit food. aites den. stop here. tmr got band. argh. kk. byezz..

; gave u everythin n u threw it all away.

wat im goin to say on the next paragraph realli wont mean anythin to u guys. so skip dis entry ya. dun even bother reading it. but if u read it, DUN ASSUME u know wat happen cos it might be sooo very wrong.


so wat happen today was bad. who cares. niwae, fyi, i dun care bout u. i dun even wanna try doing dat again cos it's realli no use. ur just egoistic and sellfish. so wat for? so ur fuckin angry bout the msgs, so u tink i'm not bout hers. tink lar bout my feelings can? stop being the "me, myself and i" kinda person. u ask me to tell u wat i dun like, n when i tell, u dun even change, so again, wat for? just now, i was the one who was suppose to be the one unhappy. i just dun get it. y u like dat? nk tunjuk perasaan abeh jadi mcm retard. -.- wat u tryin to tell me lar. haiz. wanna go back wit her so much right? go lar. see whether i care or not. slenge jek pompan tu. hah. oh, ur slenger too! hahs. dun wanna contact me? dun lar.. see whether i'll miss u or not. someone like u, alot outside. so at least can pick the more handsome one. argh. fuck. dun wanna continue.

k ar. no use talkin bout dat thing. stop here. byez.


;its time like dis, i realli miss ur presence.

-and now again we're at the end of the road. *where's the raindrops?

ooh weee.. haha. i'm bored uh. haix. HL didnt beleive i was at msia on sat. damn. wanna check my passport?? grr.. niwae, today was fun i guess.. haha. tiring though. haix. i'm in love wit billabong the wallet. nice2!! haha. tink tmr wanna go buy. heex. the maths test just now was dumb. -.- hah. didnt even bother to do most of it. wahas. after walking all ard, met dear2. hahs. heck. it was fun. but no lar. tink we can be happier. is it me?? ooooh.. haha. i shall improve. niwae, hari raya comin!!! who wanna help clean my room?? 10 bucks per hour. haha. common. dial dis no. ya if u want the job: 1800-call-yati. wahas. anyone gettin dumber??? haha. k lar. gtg. ~byezz..

; get right.

hah. ok2. things so far so gd. contented. dats it. hah. today help mom make kueh raye.. hah. n i cook! i cook LAKSA! get dat ppl! i cook. =) den wasted time n den it was buke time. den go terawih den now i'm here. basically just chatting and hearing music. oh ya. hows the song? nice? haha.. k la.. dunno wat else to write. tmr got the fuckin test. damn. everybody can sleep but we? stuck doin MATHS! urgh. like pissin me off lah can.. haha. k ar. byez..! =)

when everythin is just not right.

urgh. hate dis feeling. i'm feeling sad dunno why sia. haiyo. hate the damn feeling cos later den remeniscent on the past. stupid. gosh. my exam result suck big time! i wanna die sia. all slack like hell. maths fail again. argh. if nxt yr gt combine science, i wanna take. cant take the stress frm double sciences later n stuff. i fuckin didnt expect my overall result for maths was DAT poor. damn it. hate myself lah.. guess wat? had band afta school. kept thinkin wat happen one year ago. i wont start la. its for me to know ony. hah. but didnt get dat matter rule my head. lucky got azimah make joke n stuff. hahas. k la.. gtg. byez..


*i wish those stares cud be turn into smiles dat u thought me before.

-this is me. what i was born to be. =)

whee..! haha. camp was terrific!!! haha. take back all my words when i said i dun wanna go camp! haha. lets start grandma story k?? haha.

1st day really boring and slow.. cos everybody havent warm up la.. hahs. CRC(challenge rope course) was so exciting! haha. at 1st i got not smangat den the instructor force me.. den he encourage and stuff. haha. fun! but i swear at 1st sary lar. haha. but when i finish i was damn proud! so den more confident to do the rest which i accomplished!!! haha *beams* clap lah ppl. haha.
den got kayakin! the best! i partner wit melissa[2t1]. she freindly lar! haha. kayakin seriously fun. i wanna do it again! teamwork was like so important. haha.

2nd day. made frens wit lukman[2n2] n hafiz[2n3] n elyne[2n1]. the only malays mah.. haha. seriously tiring sia dat day. but again. i fast the whole day n seriously dat nite was fun. campfire was just oh so unforgettable. mr wong n mrs wong cute uh.. i will nvr forget the fun times i had der. seriously fun!!. *sings banana song*

3rd day was sadd-ed to leave dat place. serious sia. will nvr forget the time esp when the malays sahur togeder.. at the end of it all, i'm really proud of myself lar.. i accomplish so many things dat i tot i cant do. esp the CRC. serious. haha. =) luv my mates. luv *DENTON*(my group).

kk. tink now i still tired lar. niwae today was fun!!! haha. met 'him. who 'him? dun ask uh.. haha. met the evg peeps n stuff n when riding all over the wdl. fun lar. haha. den went down to bazaar walk wit dem n stuff n go causeway point. damn. haikal[evg] bought his gf billabong cap. wah.. nice sia. who choose?? me lar. hah. so nice!! i jealous big time!! haha. the cap pink n green uh. nice! haha. but nvm. raye money is for spendin big time! haha.

k lar.. tink dis entry is long enuf.. n oh ya. result sucks biggie time! fuck lah.. haha. kk. gtg. byez. =)

-it doesnt take long for u to realise dat it is nvr forver.

der's no future without history.

grr.. darn bored at home! tmr camp. urgh. so not lookin forward to it. hahs. all ready but cant find a suitable bag.. tmr confirm like gundu like dat wit the big bag and sleepin bag. kill me sumone!! argh. heh. niwae, today it rains! ~wee.. i luv it when it rains. haha. had exams at religious class. talk bout failing lah can? haha. okie lar.. breakin fast time.. byezz..

.~nothin excites me more den he's presence. =)

hey.. wah.. took like 4hrs doin the frenster layout. hahs. but nvr mind. al least i accomplished wat i want. *beams* heh. dunno wat to write leh.. just so happy if he chats wit me. =) niwae, changing my song soon.. to secret love.. nice song. heh. ok2. gtg. ~byezz..!

heh.. cant keep my hands off the net. studied maths all the way.. hearin to the song secret love. go read the lyrics.. means a lot for me.. dunno wat else to say.. hahs. so stop here. byez.

*namun harus aku akui
sukar untuk melepaskanmu
akhirnya aku undur diri,
demi dia dan kamu.

~kembalikan bahagia yg kau curi ketika aku bersama dia.

i swear i didnt want to update. den skali when wannna switch off.. sumtin shockin happen! ~wahas. its now i'm shock like hell uh! hahs. i slept myself thrice and now my ear got buzzing sound. omfg! hahs. k lar. wanna sleep. dun even know why i had to write dat down. hahas. gd nite ppl!! =D

~happy like a bird. *fly to sky.

ehkz.. i'm addicted to bloggin AGAIN! uhz.. not a gd sign. very bored uh at home.. granpa hogging the tv den sis is out den the rest go pray.. boring like hell. hahs. math spaper on monday! i need LOADS of luck to pass! help me uh.. hahas. sumore got wat to say? haish.. very the bored. n btw, he just sign in. hahs. kk. dats crap.. tmr got religious class den back to studying all the way den the nxt day is maths den the next is science. gosh. both so the very the important. haiz.. niwae, tinkin back bout wat he said ytd.. i'll try to follow.. well dats a miracle IF i do forget him.. haha.. n read thru all my previous blog entries. damn. all so emo-ish. ahakz.. sadded when read the part bout argh. him. hahs. k lar.. dunno wat to say.. stop here. tag me ppl!!
~toodles..!

-burgers, performance, wisma, home, mrt, msg and a whole lot more.
*memories*. ;>

chang evrythin.. yeah. how??? nice. the song if u read the lyrics than its very nice. the lyrics is under misc section. go n read. so meaningful. hahs. niwae. ytd, had dis long n nice talk wit him. guess now he knows how i feel and i know how he feels.. time to move on yeah. but it sure takes time. he really love her de... haiyo. so i think i know my faults and he know his n ya lar.. no use talkin more. tag my board ppl..! tink dats it. wanna study maths! hahs.
~cheerios..!

-the scars remind me dat the past is real.

hello... haiz. seems like secs ago i wanna write so much but den tink again i ratehr keep to me, myself n i.. hahs. pass two days been remeniscing[sp?] on the past wit iz.. haiz. we both been thru hell n heaven and only god knows how we miss dem. ooh.. whos dem?? the man of our lives.. hahs. nothing much to say. been studying goin out wit frens and everythin.. i luvv... no one. hahs. ders just one thing i wanna say.. i truly truly miss him.. ooh.. who s him?? hahs.. someone. someone i havent let go off even though its like wat?? 10 mnths? hahs. kk. i'll shut up..


there's just soo much dat i wanna do to make u realise how much dis heart aches for u..=(

wahs.. finally an update! hah. read ah kiao blog den inspired to update since long time nvr update. hah.. wth. exams nxt wk. been studying. lols. yeah. i did. i dun see any light in science de loh.. maths now got hope eh! haha. wanna work hard. pass every darn subject..! haha. sec3 confirm stress like hell.. haha. want exams to fly den enjoy!!!!!! ~wahaha...! i cant beleive i'm sayin dis but i miss band! boohoo! miss those sittin in the band room and crappin n stuff. okie2. life so far is so good..! yeah. thank god. not perfect but contented lar.. friday was so nice eh.. i luv ZIYL! haha.. zin, leks ah.. things will get better gurl. haha. tink dats it.. gd luck for exams!!!!
~Byezz..!!

haiyo. dead bored. niwae, today was lik urgh. i'm so forgetful de.. haiz. haha. kk. niwae, went home early. go study. hahs. fun.. den went home. sit comp. actually cannot excess den go n fix sumtin can. do research. do hmwk. den take sum time to blog. tink will not update for veryyy long. hahs. exam comin n i really wanna work hard. hmt exam nxt wk. hahs. k nar~. back to mugging till late.. byezz..! seriously may not be updatin! =)) cheer up ppl. dun stress2. hahs!
~she swimmed away.. n drowns! haha.

~whee.! heh. today realli satisfying. hahs. study frm 10 till i think 8 plus. take break to watch anak metro n eat only. finish most of my hmwk. except eng. haiz.. wanna stay up but scared tmr wake up late sias. haiyo. anak metro is like so fun to watch. hahs. *thinks of haikal(hidayat)* melts... haha. kk. i'm crappin. watch VMA too. so like wtf. hahs. kelly cudnt sing live. she was like the 2nd avril. hahs. nxt time, cannot reach high notes, dun sing lar. hahs. Mariah Carey rocks lar. i luv her last note! wahas.. ~we belong together..! heh. oh ya. morning watch That Thing You Do. the show rock my freakin socks!! ahh.. the drummer so handsome like heaven!! hahs. *melts again*. hahs. n yar. one more thing. i really love my family loads! hahs. i really luv em! hahs. tink dats it. wanna continue do hmwk den sleep. the rest, i'll put aside 1st heh. okie.~cheerios!
-she melt away! =)

okie! finally updatin! yes. started on hol. hmwk. yes. thankiew very much for ur praises for me! ahakz. k lar. i know i crappin. today did notin much. didnt go band. =x haiyo. swiss winds will rise again one day. hehe. it takes time lar. hahs. kk. thanx to ahmad, liyana n nasrul for the songs. yeah. a whole new collection of old songs. wahas. contradicting? no! wat i mean is all those oldies are new in my library of songs. hahs. nvm. i talkin crap.

today wanna talk bout life. hees. life is nice. im happy outside, doesnt mean i really am. hahs. the wounds are heal but scars remain rmb? yep.dats my situation. but nvm. my doctor to cure the wound is ardy der for me. hehe. i tink my family rawks. yep. i mean he cried cos of his family n i was like oh god, i really love me family! hahs. n den again also, findin someone new doesnt mean u totally forget bout old times. like i said.
he was the perfect one, but fate didnt allow us. he'll alwaes be my only one. =)
notice the underlined word. hahs. oh wells, i accept the fact. seems like 10 mnths ardy say if i not wrong i havent forget him but life haf n must go on.. hahs. so now, i found someone knew. not perfect but okie lar. i like! hahs. contented enuf lar! heh.

summore got wat to say? tink enuf lar.. tmr study marathon! wahas. wish me luck. i luv my frens! ZIYL will for now till foreva rock my socks!! hahs. thanx gurls for everythin!! hehe. kk. my back very pain. wanna go talk to ma *dear dear*. hahs. gd day n gd nite. gd luck n gd byez! =)
~she zoomed away! =)

helooo.. man lifes so boring. hahs. today had maths. man. mr wong really the crappiest teacher i've seen! hahs. i think our class lucky enuf get him lor cos if not maths lesson wud be god damn boring! hahs. den went home. go down met him. heehs.. den went back den didnt wanna go popular cos hot sias. hah. den i tink its like now i'm here! hahs. ytd, receive dis so nice msg frm him n ya lar.. sumtin soo sad happen ytd. man. cheer up ya. now, i think i really luv my family. i really luv em. i mean i just see that i m darn fortunate to have such nice parents givin me almost evrything dat i want. lols. kk. stop being mushy. gtg. wanna buke, i puasa lar. hahs. oh yar, dis names i gforget to publish. renee, zameer, ah kio, miza.. yep. tink dats it. byezz. ~she flyed away! =)

-i luv my family loads!!! =)))

~whee..! hahs. ytd was ma bdae! yayness! heh. so many ppl wished. hahs. heres the list. hahs. its looong! hehe
azimah! [1st person!] hehe. ma gurls(zin,iz, yana). farihin. huda.wan.taufik.my family!!. amirah.nafisah.yuh ting.sakinah.suffian. wen xian.kak lina. amalina.aisyah.farah. urmm. tink dats it. lol. if i forget tell me yar! hahs. today was so fun.. triple date sia! ~whee.. heh. dunno wat else to write uh.. just wanna publish does names. dats it. hehe. so byezz.. may not be updatin much!

heloo.. wahs. so boring. today did notin much. early mornin watch tv. played the net. abt 1+ like dat go cosway wit nasrul.. thanx for accompanying[sp?] yeah.. hahs. if not i'll be a lonely wondrous soul in cosway.. hahs. went der early lar cos it was raining so we took the bus.. go cosway, didnt wanna make things long, so he helped me find suitable colours n stuff. thanx again lar. i dunno wat a guys wants.. lol. den went back, he go meet his dear.. so sweet sweet man dey 2.. hahs. talk abt romantic lar can? hahs. *wink* took the long way home. walk slowly.. thinkin bout tmr. hahs. goin town! yippie~! ooh.. on the other hand, may not be fun cos imagine being wit souls dat u know nuts? hahs. not sumting u want rite? hahs. nvm lar.. make him happy. still dunno wat to wear. dun wanna dress up but its town we're talkin abt.hahs kk, so now.. i'm home. tmr, since go out early.. go eat prata wit yana. thanx gurl! if not i'd be too early.. hahs..
man. so bored. i tried graphs today, it was fun but so troublesome. hahs. so gaf up cos got anak metro! ~whee..! i like! k nar~ gtg.. my bdae comin!! ~whee..! in 2 days time! yay!! prezie ppl! prezie! hahs.. kk. dun wanna be thick skinned. so byezz..!

-she flyed away.. =)

~whee.. forget bout the previous ntry! i luv my life. no, i luv everythin in my life. dat ntry was just one of the downside of lives.. nah. nvm. it'll pass soon, n der. here i am. happy again. i luv my dear lots, lots..! =) hahs. n everythin else. i luv my family. yes. luv dem to bits n pieces.. mum, dad.. i promise i'll do my best for end of year. all i need is ur support. dis term suck like hell. n i want my end of term to be like last year. =) kk. byez.. wanna go sleep.

-learnt frm the past. =)

man.. loong time nvr update. lazy ar. n truly not in the mood. life, is so complicating. lets not get started lar. no mood to type even. man, i wish time could just fly back to the day we went out together.. 101204.. everythin was just fallin into place. y did u change? y did others came? yea, its like long ago, 10 fringgin months, but.. haiz.. just dat cos of other probs, den reminded bout him.. dun want to type nimore..byezz..

quotes dis frm a malay song:
"melewati diriku kenangan cinta lalu,
berada di hatiku meronta-ronta.
tertinggal padaku hati yg kegersangan,
kehausan ku ingin mendakap cintamu.."

-might not be updatin for a while.

hello.. i'm tired uh.. but just making myself go on cos later alot of things.. hehe. dis few days have been okay. luv it lar actually. dunno wat else to write. teachers day audtion was urm.. okie. man. holiday was nice. if only eighty nine could perform again or swiss five. hoho. dats nice. ~she will be loved..~ nice like hell. k nar~. very tired.
wahas. btw, i'm in lub? in lub wit who?? MD HAIKAL A.AZIZ. yess.. who is he? he's the Anak Metropolitan guy. heh. the malays wud not wat i mean. hahs. kk. i'm tolkin crap. nitez.. n ya. i met a new fren. hi, je**! =))

aloha..! today was just nice. hahs. once in a lifetime experience yaw~. hahs. take a look below n u'll understand.=)

this was where i wnet today!! SEMAKAU LANDFILL!! =))
me n amira.. =)) my mummy for the day! hahs. notice our hair?! btw, dat was when we're in the ferry. dat explains the hair. hahs.
the plant. trust me. its kewl~~!
took dis frm the island itself. dats another island. nice??
frm the bus, dats the cells dey put our rubbish. interesting eh how it looks like notin happened to it?
the mangrove. woow. i didnt noe dat der was swamps. n btw, dis swamps are der for sumtin. hehe..
the view of the sea frm the ferry back. nice man.. too bad the sunset werent der..
me n mummy again! hahs. =))

yep. so dats abt all the pic i took. my hp memory was low u see. trust me. took a ferry der n the teachers allow us to stand by the side of the boat.. unfortunately, i went slightly dizzy but lucky no vomitting. hahs. the breeze was just so cool. the ferry was also nice. den the island was damn nice. nicer den sentosa! hahs. its just totaly not wat i expected. man. kewl~!n the ferry was just nice. how i wish i was wit ZIYL. hehe. seriious. or maybe whoever else. hehe. one thing, the island was just so scenic. well, not dat went u first see it, but later went u go deeper. man. wanna go der again sia.. hahs. nice. double triple nice! =))

niwae, had debate too. wasnt it obvious dat e1 was winning.. hahs. our speakers were jsut not gd. haiz.. wad de.. nvm, at least our class was more enthu. hahs. rawk on e5!!
k nar~.. i'm tired typing all dis ardy.. so till den. byezz..!

-wateva it is, i dun want my heart to shatter. *smiles weakly*

whee.. hahs. today i wake up n i received a msg frm him. him the one i love. hahs. den he go to skool, ate recess, wait for me outside class, went home wit him n i had splendid time n today is the best day of my life!
wahahas!! who de hell am i kiddin. dat was an outright blatant lie! today. was urgghhh.. damn irritated wit sumone. dun say. on the other hand, i'm havin butterflies. coss.. okie. dun say here again. heh. pass few days damn tired like hell. hahs. hmwk piling like crazy n test all wk. ive got 4 karangans to complete, maths wkshts, exercixes, test, eng compren the list goes on.. my notebk ardy cover 2 page of all the hmwk i needa do. gosh. last min work really doesnt helps yeah. lucky i finished my art! hahs.. k narh~ byezz..

-he just called!!. =))))

haiz.. wad de hell. watch the news? abt 16 year old kid. pass away cos he drowned. it would mean nothing if i didnt knew dat guy. but now, i noe. haiz.. i pity my sis man. one moment, ur confused on choosing who u wanna love, the othe moment, hes gone. gosh. how cruel can fate get. i wish sumhow i cud make my sis happy. shes out now wit my family. hope she gettin a grip. man, she loved him, but argh. fate. fate, too difficult to comprehand. i cud see it in her eyes. wadeva it is, hope she carries on. i keep rethinking on my life sumhow. gtg.. wanna get some sleep.

- in a moment everything can change.

wahas! i love my blog. hee.. i dun get the idea of banning blogs. but wth. this bloggin was such a minor stupid thing last time but now so big issue.. heh. but nvm. todays entry, is long again. cos, yeah, i'm bored. o.O^
national day was okie. hahs. infact great, stayed home. watch ndp. damn. our PDS was not heard. gr.. but nvm. the thingy was boring.. dne suddenly, he msg. wahas. den msg2 until late at nite. den cundnt sleep. so den he wanted to call. so, yeah. there we were talkin in the wee hours of the morning. yeah. my dreams came true. if it happens i hope its not the stupid silence, irritatin or wateva fights. if it happens, im detemine to really make it happening. xP hahs.. i'm crazy cos i'm happy. =)) talk until abt 5 like dat, den sleep. funny how we talk.

hahs. kau.aku.u.i.awak.kite.
"nice..

heh. den sleep. suppose go yana's house today but den pretty lazy la.. so stay home lar.. wanna study.study.study. sreamig ard the corner. must work hard. hehe. den u noe wat, read her blog. jealous. haiz.. y thier relationship nice like hell. y?? y?? y she get all the nice things. wad de hell lar.. nvm.
dear god: when it ends.. let it end badly. horribly. amin.
hahs. i mean. yeah. so wat..

k narh.. dunno wat else to write.. now, i luv my life. contented. nvr happy cos i found him too early. oh well, i'm talkin crap. ~toodles.. =)

whootss.. hahs. dis gonna be a long entry cos im dead bored. hahs. went skul, was late. damn. hahs. den stayed in band room, practice for some. wait till 11 den start. hahs. play n play den my turn to receive price. hahs. best in higher malay uh.. hahs. i'm so proud of my class.. so many prize winners. hehe. den went back. met yana, adi n din. go lot 1. met the rest. then eat at let's eat. adi blanja. haha. he's the OKB. hahas.. so rich like hell man.. hahs. den eat fast,fast. went home. met sis. went back. i tot we were goin msia but nooooooooo.... sum ppl blame me for bein late. fine. but nxt time, if u dun wanna go, dun blame others! grr.. if not i cud have met him(!) or watch movie or not get angry wit my frns or gave iz zumtime alone or wadevalar.. grr.. fuckin irritatin sia. sheesh..

n oh yar! btw, i dun gif a shit nimore how u wanna flirt. flirt la, flirt. u haf no shame at all! yeah, ur pretty, everybody adoressss n luvsss u.. so fine. even him! grr.. u noe how jealous i get when i see u wit him! argh. for gdness sake. he even got a so called gal!!! damn u bitch! damn u! so wat if everybody loves u.. u tink everyone tinks dat ur the most popular gal in town. fuck off man.. so yeah, i've got nothin to do wit him, but i exactly noe how his so called gal would feel..!! grr.. man, damn all the pretty gals in the world. yes, yes. i do look like a despo writtin all dis, but fuck de lar.. i seriously hate those pretty gals who even the ugliest man they want to attract attention n in return still get attention.. god! just fuck off will ya.. cos everybody noes ur pretty.. gif achance to others lar. damn.

n yar, i so agree wat faezah say in her blog.. all boys are the same. ever heard of this thing: "i like u more den my gal." uhuh. who the hell are u kiddin..?? damn man. hate all those ppl. haiz..

BUT! at the end of it all. i'm not saded. i'm still happy. =) so used to seein u n her.. so nvrmind. just wait till ur so called gal finds out n to hell u'll go. n u! dun flirt dun flirt!!! hahs. kk. off to do hmwk.

~byezz..!

-gif me the sweetest gdbye..

heloo..! gosh. i'm fringgin tired. ytd was great. GREAT. the happiesi i've been for sometime. even the nite was happy. hahs. okie. the carnival was fringgin hot. grr.. if i was not performin, i'd seen taufik n the fireworks. hahs. niwae, it was nice lar.. really nice. glad that we are turning to frens not those cold shoulder stuff.. heh. den when come back skul, got KFC. haha. so eat under void deck. den he msg!!! hahs. god FINALLY answered my prayers.. n den the wind started blowing. it was ncie. fringgin nice! hahs. k narh. gtg.. byezz..

helo ppl! hahs.. okie. its early. i noe. i'm an early waker. get dat. hahs.. had breakfast which was burgers.. btw, btw. i hate parents who intefere ppl.. wahahas. the world is so unfair! hees. okie. not updatin cos i was studyin. get dat. studyin..! hahs. niwae, it touches my heart n soul when ppl notice my dissappearence. wahhas! yeah. i noe im exagerattin, but urmm.. lets stop here de.. i'm havin stupid tots. hehe.. pass few days have been hard for my frens n me. hehe. all boy probs. damn the guys of the world. wakaka.. kiddin oni. my dear will alwaes stay wit me lor.. hehe. so actually i haf notin to worry abt.. hehehee..
ytd was bad.. haha. but ultimately.. i so love my frns.. ZIYL Rawks to the core. wahas. lub them to bits n pieces.. hehe. n thanx to fizzah too. luv u guys.. okie.stop bein mushy n stuff.
later. PERFORMANCE! MARINA SOUTH NDP CARNIVAL. hahs. the most great part is playin the music out from the bottom of my heart wit him by my side. wakaka.. okie. gettin all crazy.. tink stop here..
~toodles..

"u dun miss ur water until the well runs dry.."
-quoted from I****. hehe. =)

"the love we made, can nvr be erased..."

helo.. haiz. didnt go skool today. stayed at home and do hmwk n watch bring it on. hees. wad de hell. den rmbered got test so go hmt. otw saw "him". haiz.. he didnt even look at me de.. wad de hell.. saw "him" wit a gal too. so i guess dats his matair.. grr.. so saded. haiz. den made the rest.. everybody is sad today bout guys. tmr cannot meet f*r cos got IPW. wad de hell lar zelda.. grr.. stupid man. den afta dat go eat at KFC. den like dat lorzz. went home. saw farid. hahs. wad de.. den i tink like dat lar.. wanna do maths now.. so lackin.. ~byezz..

so lets play dis game baby..
when ur happy i'll smile,
when ur sad i'll cry.
for dis is a game.
a game urs to make,
and mine to fake.

(when yati?? when we'll ya let go n appreciate wat god gifs??!!)
*go figure*

wad de hell.. hahs. stress lar today. grr.. skul was okie. band was tiring but yeah nice. accpet one part. one tiny part. suddenly tot bout sumthins but yeah. i hold on. lets just be thankful hes still der. ohkie. den went home, eat, finish maths, n here i am. yes, i have a boring life. more fun pls! thanx. :) k nar.. still got loads to do. byez..

helo.. my legs achin like hell! grr.. ytd started out real bad. *paiseh* hahs. niwae, marchin was bad. the feild was blardyly not even n the place was god damn big! urgh.. wad de.. but den afta dat eat at lot 1 den go home, ruch met my sis.. woow. fun lar go out wit she.. n den i cried. god. con fusin thing was dat i dunno i cried for what or who. hahs. mayb, i do haf a sad life. hurhur. hahs. den today had religious class. boring llike hell. hahs. den went home. dem im here. wanna do hmwk. n wanna put song in here.. but angelfire condemed rite? hahs.. k nar~ wanna go..

-gawd! 2 fringgin days.. *warning* my feelings do fade. hurhur..

Elooo.. hahs. todae was bad. hell. i hate band just for now. it tires me out n wat wit all dat marching. grr.. i got no strength. n the blardy two guys frm my sect leave like dat. haiz.. but niwae, lookin on the bright side, my junior can play Tijuana Brass!! WOOW! i so happy seh see him play.. dat time teach AG12 like hell still cannot get. hahs. niwae, had IPW. gosh.. all last minute work.. hehs.. the judge was a pathetic 2. wth.. but nvm. guess zelda was happy. =) n my members too. we did a gd job.. my vanguard was nice. =)) okie. den i think life now is blardyly bad. bad like hell. its not i wanna be rude to my parents lo.. just at sumtimes, i cant take wat u gif. ardy my life aint gd den u keep siding the young. gosh. wth. gettin abit pms-y.. hurhur.. but i tink now i very brave lar.. im not scared of talkin back.. like for example nazri. who the hell is he to call me "anak setan".. so i told him off. heh.. k nar~ wana go byezz..
p.s: the icon. so true.. lols. sumtime a girl just needs one.

no offence lar.. but think for very hard. is he the one? is he goin be like the other jerks tryin to break me up. hell. why am i havin dis feelin..? almost fought wit him lar.. wth, wth.. how come like dat? he like dat i rmb abt last time sia.. fight all bcos of adek angkts.. wth. i dun want. im tryin my best to compromise. but am i expectin too much? haiz.. nvm.

had confession table just now. great. well at least. other then dat. the day was okie. how i wish the class was more exciting during lit. grr.. its fun lar actually. just too mundane. hahs. k narh.. wanna go. byezz.~

heloo... today was really okie. forget abt ytd post.. today go skool w/o iz n took bus. go skool, assembly n stuff den when wanted to go up class.. den iz's crush say sumtin stupid but funny.. hah. how he know i oso dunno. nvm not the point. mr sharizan was boring!! hahs. MR LEE FALL ASLEEP IN CLASS!!!! Laugh ppl. laugh! LOL!! a teacher.. hahs. nvm. dat shows how bored mr zan can be.! oh wells.. den pe was okie. no girlfight.. hehe. den recess was okie. den mt was okie. mubin ass lah he.. stupid sia. den otw back to class.. i turn2 den saw him lookin at me.! hahs. okie. well, maybe at least i think he was lookin at me.. *crazy* hehe.. den maths was okie. funny lar.. jy suddenly talk like gal. gawd..! seriously funny. band was okie. stress like hell. i mean the pain n stuff.. i hate goin band lo dis days.. dun feel the enthusiasm.. no meritocracy at all in band. hurhur.. nvm. den went home. he msg all the way. den saw ramdan.. so short sia.. but funny lar.. i tot who sia call my name at nite.. den chat for awhile. den go home. eat. watch tv n here i am.. hahas.. i'm crazy today sias..heh. no lar. just dat wanna be happy for those lil things dat happen.. after all, dey do make me feel happy.. hehe. k narh.. wanna get some sleep.. ~cheerios..

I HATE MY MUM!!!!!!!!!
I HATE MY SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE MY BRO!!!!!!!
I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

argh.. kill me yeah sumone. my presence is really, seriously of no use. no use!!!!!!!! just kill me lar if it makes the whole world happy!!! everybody hates me right?!!! so common. kill me. i hate myself lar!!! i dun gif a fuck wad oders think! everyone want to hate me. den common. hate me! argh!! fuck all ur asses frm my world yeah..!

-where is him when i'm needing u the most??? =((((((((((((

eloooo.. hahs. just got back frm religious classes. i havent finish my hmwk seh.. hahs. but im sittin here. oh well, i shall get started shortly. haiz.. BORED! grr.. niwae, life so far been gd. not wat i wanted but okie. contented. (= urrmm... f*r is really lar.. very nice but i'm not appreciatin. hmm.. wats happenin.. *him.. haiya.. i've given up. dun talk more lar.. he's happy wit her so be it.. okie. i noe im talkin crap. tink dunno wat else to write. mayb i'll write again at nite.. ~toodless.. =)

oh gawd. i'm bored lar. a few days back was racial harmony.. heh. i shud haf worn. but my class pathetic like hell. oni jy wear. hahas. but nvm. nxt yaer, we'll have our permanent classes n mayb i'l wear. kekeke.. hahs. i so luv the upper secs man.. so united de. hahs. niwae, had band but didnt go . tired n was not feelin well. hahs, but ard 3 like dat met siti, azimah n saki. pass thigns den went back. wat a waste of time. haha. den tot want to wait for him till he come, but too long lar. so ignored n went back. hahs. i'm evil lar. hahs *grins evilly* tmr got religious class. oh god. help me frm the boredom. hahs. everyone think dat thier skool is the best n when i try to say sumtin bout swiss, they alwaes fight n fight until i dun care lar. haha.. n the classroom alwaes gif me headache. n the boys dunno how to make jokes. n some frens are to busy finding popularity.. lol. okie. ders a dumbass chattin wit me. dun wanna talk too much wit him although his dumb. or not sum peeps say i flirt.. enough of ppl sayin dat i flirt lar! hahas. k narh.. dunno wat else to write. byezzz...

"i promise to nvr fall in luv wit a stranger.."

oh well. today was okie. i guess. hahs. skool was okie. ipw in the com lab was interesting. hahs. band was okie. speech day rehearsal was embarassing. ate at mac afta dat wti azimah, siti n saki. den met adi, alif, din, fizzah, zin, iz. went back at last wit iz. boring lar today.. i need some spice.. hehe. f*r is just so nice by the day. but... haiz. dun say here lar. n today got sumone talk to me n see me straight in the eye! ~weehaa!! happy. didnt talk to him though. uh.. who cares.. the combo band very nice.. i mean the song.. zhi hao pro sia.. *salutes* hehe. not like KN.. wahahas.. k nar. wanna go.. byezz. =)

-everybody loves somebody.-

okie. today was nice.. lucky infact. when skool was okie n stuff. no scoldings nothing. yeah. went home, suddenly wished to take the bus bendy.. den prayed lor for fun. hahs. n den it came! hahs. i took a bendy bus home. hahs.. okie. dun blame me. my area dun haf bendy busses frequently.. heh. kk. den wished HE was der. n he was! hahs.. gawd! how lucky can i get.. den we walk togeder den he sent me back! ahhss.. life's nice. u noe, tink dun wanna care too much. been feelin gd since i look at things differently. tink stop here.. got sumtins to do.. byez.. =)

helo.. hahs. today was nice. =) ahas.. had parade.. much better den the clt thingy.. hahs. niwae, saw him AGAIN! hahs.. funny lar.. i see him, he nvr see me, he see me, i nvr see him.. think he sad ba.. hahs. den he ajak me go jp i was like huh? hahs. tired lar.. n we ardy had dinner. the food damn nice. hahs. den got suntin funny.. saw dis guy. dunno wad de hack the skool but we were queing up for food n he ask me:
(in eng)
guy: wat skool?
me: huh?
guy: wat skool?
me: swiss cottage
guy: wat sec?
me: 2
*guy points at my rank* (btw, he was a LCP n i was a 1st sgt, wahaha..!)
n we continued.. hahs. lazy wanna type.. but i was proud of my rank. hahs.. no offence ya but all dis ncc ppl tink we're crazy ya.. haha. haf high rank but no badges.. hehe. but dat guy not bad u noe.. one of the GOH(guard of honour) summore. hahs. so shuai.. den he tot is we ncc den training is play music oni. but i xplain lar dat we r in band but play for ncc.. hahs.. okie2. tink stop here.. hand aching like hell..
byezz.. =)

"Have You Ever?"- By Brandy

[Chorus]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you into my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]
___________________________________
u noe y the "s" guy doesnt appear in my entries. cos i wanna forget him. but i cant. haiz. today. wasnt gd. afta band, was happy. dun ask me y but i was god damn happy until........ we went to mc. k fine, so dey were der.. haiz.. dun wanna go futhur ya.. just writtin those few words heart ache sia.. niwae, afta dat, go collect harry potter bk.. hahs. LZH ardy msg me early in the morn. crazy lar.. hehe. niwae, despite off everythin dats happy today, i'm still sad. i'm dat sad until i havent even ate anythin since i got back.. niwae, hearin to persis. the sad part.. wa liao.. wanna cry sia.. the french horn n eupho n cornet n sax n everythin so nice.!! hahs. k narh wanna stop here.. oh ya, the song. like ti so blardy much.. haiz.. =(

elo.. hias.. dis is anoder pathetic entry. rite now, at dis moment, ders notin happy to talk about. dis is wat im feelin:
-i wanna scream i cant cos mums asleep.
-i wanna cry but i've ran out of tears.
today was okie. maths test. one word. fail. haiaya.. actualy hope not ar.. sucks de loh the test. niwae, afta skool, went out wit zin, rudy, yana n din.. go back halfway cos u y? i cudnt bear to see they wit each other more.. sad loh most of the time.. hais.. not thier fault. niwae, went home. was feelin sianish n it was raining. decided to take my bro.. it was raining heavily.. so whole journey, pray dat i'll see him. when go home. der he was! playin soccer.. hahs. wat luck. happy at 1st but den we didnt talk much. he seemed angry. dunno y sia.. hais. nvm. k narh.. wanna sleep.
byez..

"to love, to cherish, to care.."

i'm feelingless. urgh.. y? everyting was gd until...... argh. dun wanna say it. saw him. him. HIM. yes. not f*r but my ex. sheesh.. i like, but sumtins missin.. *memories. talk to him for awhile. wanna catch wit old times but dunno y, my leg didnt wanna stop. his smile.. argh.. better stop here ar f*r would be angry. haiz.. wat am i turning to? went to wdls lib, wit, din, yana, iz n alif.. saw my cousin uh.. not bad not bad. hahs.. tink i'll stop here.. wanna say more but haiya.. keep it for nxt time.
wish, my life was better.. i dun see any light infront of me.. i feel like everythin is just beginning. JUST. i'm tryin to be patient. very patient. haiz.. forget it or ill cry again. ~toodles..

i got loads to do but i cant get workin. grr.. ipw's a killer i tell ya. smack the damn teacher who started dis.. grr. okie. i take dat back. niwae, how hartless can ppl get?? grr. NKF really uh..! i'm very disgusted.. urgh..! dey get i tink like almost ardy $1000 frm my family since they started n now they do dis?! grr. damn u CEO! its like all our efforts gone! gone!!! grr.. n dat women can say its PEANUTS!! wanna RIOT liao!! GRR.. so sadded. RIOT ARH..!! argh!!

niwae, today wasnt all bad. haiz.. dnno wat to say.. "we are the ones dat cry n bleed inside" no one would beleive my advice and say its bullshit. well, fine. i noe myself too well. okie arh. wanna go. *memories. how i luv dem.. or maybe, how sad dey make me. haiz.

oh gawd.. i regret. grr. saw him. him. HIM. argh. how i miss his company.. grr. but thank god. god answered my prayers. i dunno wat to say. one moment i feel like cryin. one moment i feel so positive to cary on. i dun undstd. dun wanna feel. dun wanna noe. dun wanna think. i've had enuf. i'm tryin my best to make f*r happy. but i dunno y, i regret. no. i dun regret. its just dat he's too nice. too nice for me. =(
to nobody basically: just wanna tell dis. its hard enuf to let go of sum1 u just want to luv. its not easy. nvr easy. i noe how it feels to see sumone who's the man of ur dreams walkin off wit sumone else. yes, we are at fault for breakin thier hearts, but we are the ones who have actually really found the courage, the strengh to move on. we are more knowledgable about dem. trust me. dis type of women, may seem happy, but they cry n bleed inside. they are strong. 3 cheers to this women. *smiles weakly*
okie. dat paragraph. read it sumwhere. so wat i feel. haiz. go figure. i'm too confused. lost i must say.

helo..b4 i start! go listen to BSB's NEVER GONE!!! nice like heaven..! hahs. i cudn't beleive i cried when i 1st heard lar. hahas.. decate to him n him. hahs.. its a secret lar.. cannot tell who. haha. niwae. didn't go skool today.. whole body was aching like hell, had headache n slight fever.. hahas. on the + side, here's wat i miss:
-E.T.!! ~whoooppeeedooo!! i missed et!!! hahas. ((((=
-DnT. yayness. hate dat sub but on the other hand dis will mean 9 periods od missig DnT. =(/=) go figure.
-no need to hand in hmwk!! havent finish seh..
-HMT! yayness. or on the other hand cannot see *his bro. grr.
yep. dats all i'll miss happily or not.. hahs. ytds parade was all shitty as usual.. saw HIM! yay! hahs.. he shy, i shy den who's gonna make the 1st move?? hahs. stupid. den very nice. he talk to me uh.. so nice. =) hahs. den got dis siren so cannot parade.. got lightning n stuff.. very cool lar. i like! hahs. den got wat? tink dats it.. den HL made sum1 angry.. grr. ass lar u. make dat DUMBASS.. stupid shit. hahs. kk. dunno wat 2 write. blardy borin lar.. n oh ya, did sum cookin. nice! hahahs..

kk. on a serious note. i dunno whether wanna gif him ans or not. i scared i reject den later i miss u de.. but i scared i accpet i cant make u happy like dat time wit _him_. hais.. how? i miyself confuse lar.. i dun wanna dissapoint neither.. hais.. i dun wanna tink bout it too much also.. hais. tink stay like wat we are now beta.. no hard feelings, no sadness cos we are jsut more den frens.. i scared if we take a step furthur, i'll be sad.. haiya. dun wanna tink too much.. let, fate, god, destiny determines wat happen.. hais. k narh.. wanna go.. byez.

`wake me up when september ends..`

gosh. i'm still sick.. eh, wad telah happen to both of ya?? *confused* hmm.. nvm. i'll go find out myself.. whahah.. u noe he dunno y say wanna be frens. i was like huh? i wanted to accpet u leh.. den like dat..? grr.. nvm lar. sad but cant do anythin. who ask me be so slow n stupid?! mayb fate has its own story leh. hahs. live everythin to fate... yep. if god wants it to be den it'll happen but now tink god dun wanna make me to involve in all dis things.. hahs. kk. i'm crappin.. but hais.. if u r readin dis... just want u noe dat i regretted havin 2nd thoughts.. anoder of my silly mistake. 1 year le.. super long enuf time to trust u.. hmm. k lar.. wanna apologise to shawn.. he angry wit me le.. haha.. =P

elo.. today was just so frustating. grr.. shudnt go to skool ler.. haiya. thanx to all my frens for carin for me n stuff. cudnt believe mr wong cudnt tell dat i was sick! grr.. den still can ask me ques. mrs wong was nice. she noticed it! hahs. love her loads lar. during eng vomited. felt so weak lar.. hmms. den afta skool, went home. cannot tahan lar.. n guess who i saw?? *his bro! hahs.. so cool lar. n we were dat close! kk fine. no big deal just day i was surprised at his sight! den ytd was happy! cos <> smile at me! hahs. agaian. no big deal.. hahs. den today, suppose to gif him ans. dunno le.. i got my reasons ya y i'm delayin my answer. i'm scared of rejectin n acceptin u.. lets leave it all to fate. ytd also, went westmall to eat. wit din, yana, fizzah, iz n alif. so funny lo.. play wit the ice. kk. haiya.. headache ardy. wanna go eat.. byezz..!

u flirt lah u! grr.. haha. niwae, ytd n today was fun. yep. luv my frens lar.. social life goin good.. :) kz. lets talk bout today. was feelin urgh-ly in the morn. grr.. cudn't beleive wat i was feelin.. so ashamed wit myself. uhs.. nvm. den al those stupid lesson. oh wait not stupid. nice. i still havent catch up wit maths!! grr.. trigo ratios okie lar but still got sum parts i stuck lar. grr.. must get help. tmr got remedial. yayness! free to ask more ques.. umm. summore wat? geog was just oh-so-boring. hahs. n so are the oterh lessons. hahs.. hmt was just okie. cikgu cute lar! haha. serious. she noe us to well. all she does is sit, gif us work, talk wit us, xplain wat we dun. splendid way of teachin! hahs. den summore gif us talk.. rawkin cool lar cikgu! not like zelda. hahs =x den go home... n i wanna buy emily wallet. very nice de lo.. fit wit my hp .. hahs. tink dunno wat else to write lar.. k nar.. want go do work.. byez!

"today's the day dat i pray we'll make it thru..

make it thru the fall..

make it thru it all.."

shawn is so crappy.. haha. now chatting wit him. haha. he super duper weird lar.. al those minor things he rmbs! haha.. n now he's givin me "dancin" dots. nice! =P haha.
niwae, no time to waste. wanna do hmwk. todays was nice. yep. like it. gtg. byez!!..

silence n blur face=gd results(trust me!) lol.

"when he learn to love.

grr.. i accidentally deleted the previous post. nvm. lets re-write. ytd was the ncc rehearsal.. was tiring but fun lar. heh.. was happy bout some changes. =) but yeah it was cool.. n i dun gif a fuckin shit ardy if u guys dun wanna bother bout me. wat i care is dat my priorities do. hehe. niwae, march the 1st n 2nd time was shit lar. but the 3rd time was nice. the ncc finally cheered lar..! hahas.. n btw, i saw him ppl!!! i did! hah. i was like so squirmish.. hahs. he say he got wave n i was like huh? didn't see le.. nvm. still got nxt time. heh. den go home, he msg me all the way lar. so nice! haha.. but tink, wateva happens, i dun wanna fall to deep. cos i learn enuf lesson ardy lar..
today! today, go n eat swensen! ~whee..! finnally eat bake rice. yeahness!! very nice lar. heh. den eat ice cream.. my mum very funny lar.. dun say here lar. i eat the cookie summit thingy. nice. hmm. den go shoppin. bought jacket. i like oso. haha. iz, yana, zin, my bdae can no need buy sweater lo.. i get ardy. hehehe.. den go home. den a few mins later, go shen siong. buy things again lar. tink i'm gonna go cookin soon. buy alot things lar.. den go home, play, finish up geog wksht. den tink later will do the write up. den do maths. hah. den tmr go out wit mum den do project. yep. so i tink dats bout it. wanna go do work.. byezzz!

heyaaa!!! haha.. kk. today was fun! hahs.. but mayb, after all, changin seats wasnt bad. just dat durin maths always stuck alone cos everybody ard me is like so clever ardy.. nvm. must work hard!! so determin man.. of course. even geog i undstns a lil bit. hah. n for the 1st time, i listen attentively to science n my txtbk is so nice wit notes. ahaz.. finally a gd teacher but rest assure, mrs lee will always be the best..! haha. kk. nvm. den had x country. was late by 30 mins mind u. but luckily, god sent angels to tell us where to stop. thank you loads man!! den tink most of it is walk but still okie lar. beta den last yr the x country. den afta dat, wait for yana.. den he go meet her *ahem!* den we go eat. bus so crowded but not the point. its den go down at bukit batok der wit, din, yana, renee, fizzah, aliff n adi. so noisy lar dem. haha. den since din wanna blanja go eat lo.. lucky dad allow.. he's nice lar now! i lub him to bits ar.. haha. go mkn at the cavana der. okie, not bad, although we mininterpreted wat adi meant by kopitiam. haha. kk.. so tink mkn3.. den haha. funny lo. dey luv to crap.. woow. den thanks din for blanja-ing me. hahasss.. he so nice lar at times. den tink go home cos cant be back dat late... in the train, so boring lo.. haiss.. but, nvm. overally. it was gd. den now he msgin me den is tmr go ncc day rehearsal... ~whee.. tink life so far is gd. not wat i want but tink i'm blessed enuf ardy.. be contented. haha. tink got wat else to say arh?? dunno arh.. i'm dead beat.. wanna go sleep..
byezz..!!

my brother just fell.. ooh.. wad a way to start dis thing. okie so i tink today veh long. got loads to say. hehe..
today i was late! grr.. literally ran frm gombak to skool n the anthem was playin when i reached. *he was late also! bleahs. no big deal lar. niwae, in class. was so angry at some peeps. i can b nice, n when im not i'll be a bitch aite. so dun be sellfish nxt time can? u wanna sellfish go market! sorri to all those i shouted at.. i dun blame kai yao or yi lin, i blame sumone else. its ur sellfishness dat make ppl suffer. *hint hint* [u wit the pink beg] grr.. was late, n den in class like dat.. fuck. niwaes, skool has been bored. i'm a lil influenced to take lit but hist still rox lar.. haha. n like wth dey keep sayin "yade". i dun mind lar but so fuck lo. irritated u noe. nvm. geog god damn boring lar.. i wanna see who can dat junani teach till get "A". Mr Seng teach a lot sia get "A" for hist. Geog all get "c". hah. fuck. niwae, bands been real tiring. no mood leh now wanna go. so tiring n bein ina neglected section doesnt rox. it sux. hah. n havin 1 junior who is _____ is so not cool mind u. haiyo. still got wat to say..?
oh yar.. dis part onli my besties will noe. but nvm. just say. u huh. u talkin shit n crap lar. everythin is a lie. cos of u i'll nvr trust man again. grr.. stupid lar. nvm. still got him can make me happy but dunnoy i dun want. stupid emotions. grr.. been studyin!! dats a + sign. hah. still got wat to say? urmm.. tink life so far is still not dat gd yet but thank god its not dat bad. tink i change seats today is mayb for gd. mayb god wanna open doors for me to concentrate more. hahas. still got wat arh? ohh.. ncc rehearsal comin upp.. ~whhee!! fun, fun, fun!! but tired like hell wan. aniwae, how many land units are der in NCC?? heh. n btw, tmr X country. run like mad. hah. nolar. dats a lie. kk.. tink i write enuf ardy lo.. wanna study. byez!!

_.with fate comes love, with love unfolds a destiny._

"i cry inside of me.. cos i noe i'll nvr feel thier love again.."

i'm pathetic. i'm loser. yeah. so wat? do i try to hard to be happy? or do i not? i dun get it. y is the whole against me? y i dun get it.. life was so meaningful last year when i 1st had "z".. den came "s".. life's great! luv my frens n family. but now? y everythin like dat? i feel so unjustified. everythins goin wrong. i'm pretending to be sumtin i dun want too. i dunno y.. i hate to be like dis. i hate. i try to make mum happy but noe, she luv's the otehr 2 kids more. yeah so u say u dun. but i feel it. i feel dat ur against me. is it bcos im a big time failure?! i noe, i am. but can dun be sarcastic can? u said i suck. weel yeah. a mother's curse last foreva. i dun get it. u put in me a position where i cant even find the space to love n to care 4 u. i cant. i dun feel ur luv. i dun feel ur care, ur concern. i wanna haf those times when even the simplest ques such as "haf u eaten" make me feel dat i'm loved. i dun get it. dad's not as bad as u r. u get angry when we tell dad our probs but do u even make dat effort to come to us..? haf u eva? ask urself lar. no use writin all dis. she'll nvr noe. how i wish she can read my mind.. hais. not only my mum, even my sis turn to ousiders for help. so heck. i'll just keep to myself. yeah. maybe dat way, i'll be more luved cos i dun say the wrong things.

den the otehr part of life. i dun get it. y in my darkest most deepest hour when i wanted u, u weren't der? now u r when i haf him. i dunno. u want me back. but heck. i'm tryin to ignore all dis stupid feelingsd dat u bring back. i'm so glad dat i'm over "s" but den now u 2. just fuck off can cos i dun want to be wit anyone of u now. i hate dat.

just so many things left undone, unsaid, untouched. i cant take it nimore. serious. damn the reason y i became like dis. i so hate it. i'm so jealous of ppl who's life haf everythin in place. y dem not me? did i do so many things wrong? did i? hais.. i dunno. i wanna go back to wat i was. cheerful, dun care bout small things n can get over off anythin easily. the me now is so wat i'm not.

lastly, mom. i'm sorry for hurting u. i'm sorry if i said the wrong words. i'm sorry. i dun care if u dun wanna compromise or wat. but im sorry. cos i noe u'll nvr will..

-to often we let small things let us down. to often we dun care. too often we try too hard. =(((
[[life sux]]

"u're the only one my everything n for u dis song i sing.."

yeahs.. forget bout the previous ytd. my life currently: imperfectly nice. contradicting? sue me. hahs. today when out wit yana.. *dances ard* whee~! go walk den go makan at let's eat! woohoo~! afta months of cravin n finally! hahs. niwae, got a lot of sad-ed song playin n one of em was all my life. *sobs* dat song. my song. our song. thier song. haish.. *memoriess.... =( nvm. den afta dat go library at cosway.. was kinda okie i guess. tmr *him got rehearsal for ncc day parade.. y band dun haf rehearsal? *confused* maybe its like the clt thing. its on the day then we go.. haizz.. hope we play well le.. got *him, my cuzzie, my frens, them.. haha. alot lar. but not the point. hope nobody faints! haha... the greatest in joke in band ever created: ~i cant hear u sir!!~ haha.. the jokes of future generations of the band. kk. i'm bad. mayb most of u dunno wat i tokin lar.. but aha.. swiss winds will alwaes rmb! haha. niwae, *he ask me go pei him go watch movie but i no money. hahs. not in the mood also lar. hahs.. k narh~.. wanna sleep. tmr got band. byezz..

_more den frens but not *ahem!*_

"i was stupid, i was foolish, i was lyin to myself.."

haiz.. i dun wanna stress, dun wanna wait, dun wanna be sad, i dun want 2 feel can?? useless might just be the correct word i feel rite now.. y am i stupid? i was blind! i'm always blind!! ytd `he did dat was to test u n u fell for it! stupid! *him is der 4 u. forget bout the better ones live the new.!! argh! no, dun wanna fall for all dis crap. wanna study, study, study!!! u noe, tink back, den i rmb everything bout [[him]]. [[he]] teach me loads of lesson! when can i get all dat in my head!!! i suck at all dis. i dun wanna feel.! y everything cum back??? y??!! y when [[he]] get out of my mind u 2 came back. wait lah, wait summore.. see? now i dissapoint who?? myself! argh. fuck. i need sum1 badly. badly to talk too. argh. nemind. dun tink most of u noe wat i say..
u noe, went to blogskins today, den see like almost all bout ppl heartbroken. is the world really miserable? hais.. nvm. niwae, today, band was okie. drill like wanna pengsan. hais.. damn it lar. trombone can jia you??!! i sick of repeatin every damn thing. den go eat den haiyo, ^u^ anoder one. can dun make me feel guilty?? at least not infront of evrybody else can?? stop all those stupid acts cos i dun wanna fall for ^u^ n im weak k? i admit! i easily get the wrong impressions.! yeah. happy? so dun do all those stupid thing to make me fell guilty for gdness sake! hais.. den dama n siti cum my house. do project. so yup, dats my day. k nar.. wanna sleep. -nitez..-

-i dun wanna wait any longer. too much time ive wasted on waits.

"to be contented or to suspect or to accept.."

helo! hahs. fell like its been ages since i update when its just ytd! wahahas. nvm lar. i update. currently, i'm feeling complicated. ya lar.. u noe dat post bout my frens, i take it back.. like renee said, talk to dem properly wud be the best but i guess i've got to find the time when i'm real brave. hmm. got to resolve a few things.

u noe dat day, on sat when i tot life's gettin better. hmm.. i wud say its a repetition of wat happen a few mnths back. confused? me too. hais. gotten over i haf. missin him i do. likin him i feel. again, 3 diff feelings 4 3 diff peeps. dunno y `him msg me. u noe its like when i dun like him animore n wat to be free frm all dis stupid relationships. den dis. wat? u say u want me back? when i want u last time, u ignore me, now u want me back? u got a god damn gal summore! n u dare to say dis things. argh! but sumhow dat stupid feelin just creep inside me n slowly like i like him. like wtf! argh. dunno lar. den *he, go bintan today until wed. cannot msg. how? too much things comin back. dun wanna be stress cos skool's startin. hmm. on the bright side, i tink god answered my prayers cos i gotten over him, not completely but satisfyingly. hahs.

niwae, zin n iz off to chalet, yana in m'sia. me? stuck wit band. nvm. its the only thing i want to njoy. *one band, one sound!* get dat! haha. tink i stop here lar. do maths again i tink b4 sleep. hais. still got eng hmwk sias. haiya. tink i'll be contented wit wateva i haf.. niwae, here's sumtin funny.

(in eng translation)
me; i go interview som said..
*him; huh? som who? som said wat?
me; nvm, hard to xplain.
*him; dun wanna u xplain also. dun wanna make life difficult for u.

-dun understand, ask me. or try to translate back in malay.
`_sweetz_` [[_nitez_]]

hey.. hahs. not been updatin cos too tired. hmm. lets talk bout the parade on fri on another day. i wanna talk bout ytd. yes. dunno y, tink ytd was one of the better days since i felt depressed? yeah. not cos of wateva things just felt dat ytd wud be the beginning of new n fresh things. *he suddenly msg me n yeah, it was fun. cud feel the click. *he's damn nice n sweet. hahs.. hehs. i must haf been blind last time. hehs. so den everything went well. recording was cool. didnt got angry wit anyone. it was perfect! no peeps to destroy my happiness, no more heart breakin. it was just me n the band. yay! i love my band!! the band ytd! seniors came down ytd n miss dem loads. justin still so funny! hahs. still got wat to say? hmm. tink dats it lar. i just simply <3 ytd. felt, so nice, cool calm n simply sweet. hahs. waitin for *him to msg! hahs. yay. tink dats it. meeting som said! *shivers* hahas. on abrighter note, *som said here i come!!* haha.. k narh. byez..

read dis!!!! so blardy sweet!!! i almost cried when readin it!!

two tear drops were floating down the river.
one teardrop said to the other,"i'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man andlost him. who are you?"
"i'm the teardrop of the man who regret letting a girl go."
she teardrop consoled, "there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go."
he teardrop replied, "but then you'll know that you miss someone very much when everytime youthink of that person, your heart breaks into pieces and just a quick 'Hello' from that person brings the broken pieces back."
she teardrop said, "it's really painful to say goodbye to someone else that you don't want to let go; but it's even more painful to ask someone to stay if you can never make the relationship workout the way it should be.
"she continued, "LOVE? it's kind of complicated,but i'll tell you this... the second you're willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that's love right there."
he teardrop pondered and said, "you know, if i had the letters "HRT", i can add "EA" to get a "HEART" or a "U" and get "HURT". but i'd rather choose "U" and get "HURT" than have a "HEART" without "U".
she teardrop smiled and replied, "giving someone all your love is not an assurance that she will love you back. don't expect love in return, wait for it to grow in her heart, if it doesn't, be contented it grows in yours."
he teardrop continued, "she told me once, do not be too good, i will miss you. don't be too caring; i might like you. don't be too sweet; i might fall foryou."
she teardrop smiled and said, "A heart truly in love never loses hope but always believes."
She teardrop continued, "if you love her please let her know because it hurts to love whenyou have to go. take care of me; don't go awaybecause if youlove me, you will stay... i love you and do u know why? you got me when you firstsaid 'Hi'"
he teardrop said, "you are brave she teardrop,now i know it's always better to have found the courage to love even if you lose it in the end rather than never found love because you were too afraid of the challenge." he teardrop continued further, "did youknow thatthe expression "Nothing" is the subconscious mind's way of saying I Love You... that's what i do,i told her NOTHING and because of that i lost her even though i love her... i cry for the time that shewas almost mine, i cry for the memories 've leftbehind, i cry for the pain, the lost, the olda nd the new. i cry for the times i thought i had her!"
she teardrop consoled, "Relationships are like glass, sometimes it is better to leave them brokenthan try to hurt yourself putting it back together,or worse, have nothing strong to bind it together.you never lose in loving. you only lose in holding back."
he teardrop cried,"Now i know, i have learned. dont throw your back to love when it's already in front of you, don't drive it away from you because if you did, someday you'll think again why you let love fly away when it was once next to YOU..."

"... n u remembered! whee~!"

hahs.. okie. wat a way to start an entry. didn't update for quite sumtimes.. tink wud not be long. cos tired lar. haha. so here goes..
tuesday.. had band. same routine just like dat day exceptionally tiring.. my face was sweating alrite. cos i tink wore 3rd uni. haha.. forget to bring belt. sorry lar.. hah. den dis friday got CLT POP Parade.. woah. if i not goin die den thank god! hahs. cos wear 1st uni, hat n gloves.. den haf to carry the inst. haiyo. den r we performin for NCC Day? if can den cool! hahs. cos my cousin can see me performin! hahas.. wad de.. =) crazy lar me. niwae, went home afta band n dats my day.
wednesday which was ytd. go where arh? ooh.. meet my IPW mates.. go cosway find things den come my house. pretty tiring lar. but got some improvement. den laze ard.. dis sunday, meeting som said. *shivers* i'm interviewing her le.. how?? hope i wont stammer. niwae. did i tell guys the bbq was cancelled. sian.. nvm. still got nxt time. so i tink dats my day for wed.
today..tink wud try to fininsh most of the maths hmwk. den start a lil wit eng. den will clean my roon also. haha. so much things to do like can finish like dat! haha. need some motivation lar! hah. where to get? TV lar. haha. niwae, tink my life so far not dat bad.. just a lil prob wit my family! dang. nvm. things take time. the day dat i will not be accused wrongly would be the day pigs fly. haha. everyday, kena scold den blame wrongly. fucking unhappy sia.. but if not happy den sit in room only lor. no big deal. k narh~! wanna eat. byez..

tag replies:
*Raidah: yeah. thnkx!!! yup. if haf the opprtunity ill come down.
`azimahh: yep. u take care too.. hahas.
HANDSOME: u freakin lar u. haha. ahkiahkioahkioahkiahkioahkio~~~!!! hahas
sakinahz: i'll tag some time soon. get well soon yar.
val: yeas..! u tC too!

"i use to stand so tall, i use to stand so proud.
ur arms ard me tight, everything it felt so right.
unbreakable like notin cud go wrong. "

hoho.. just cut my hair ler.. lOl.. so bloody short.. now is can tie but if tie funny liao.. den dunno tink tmr wanna tie or dun.. tink wun ba.. iz n yana also cut short wit gd service de.. haha.. see who bring u all der lar? me! haha.. kk.. today go out ard 12.30 like dat met iz den go west mall. sew rank.. den skali i fall down ba.. so malu! den till now leg pain. tink tmr if got drill wun do. take 187 den go der, edited the iz pic n her bf. so cute manz.. hahs. den cut2 hair.. woohoo~! so fun. but so short.. tmr confirm gel the hair like seow.. if not the hair would like so.. urgh! dunno how to say.. =x den go cosway, took pics. wad de.. the time so short. den go buy slippers.. den go back, eat, den alter pants.. i sew so not nice. thanx mum for helping me!! yay! so tink today is not bad ba.. hmm.. went wanna celebrate iz bdae?? dunno la.. n tink the bbq is gonna be like half fun n not. haiyo.. sian diao.. nvm. k narhs~ wanna sleep.. tink life so far is gd lar.. byezz.. (=

-just one last look n i'm done. gd riddance. (=

"i'm flyin.. so now u noe."

kzz. lets see.. dis gona be short cos tired n sleepy.*yawns* tmr, gonna cut hair wit yana.. woohoo~! can't wait, can't wait. hope iz can come.. zin dahhling is in malaysia.. woow. rock dat town uh gal..! =) hehs. den i gonna alter the pants n sew the rank at west mall. yays.!! den go shoppin.. its a gal thing u noe.. wahahas. thing today, not bad lar.. did notin much. gaf up afta 2 ques on maths.. hehs.. brain dead ardy.. kk, dunno wat to write nimore. ~byezz..

-kindness n madness. whee~!

"when the waits over, u'll noe.."

n yep. ders how i feel rite now. cant sleep so update dis post. haha. suddenly got loads of things to say. kk.. so i think im almost done gettin over him.. got hate him sumtimes also de.. haha.. but nvm lor.. who cares.. yeah. although hes nice in his own ways n i might not get sumone like him eva again, i must just thank god for wateva he's given me. everythins fated. just notice how ***********(go figure) he is. wahaha.. serious de lo.. nvm. n u huh. wa lao. stop flirting wit him ba.. i dun tink he will let go of *she for her.. cos *she is too good to be true for him ardy lo.. so stop it cos thier love for each other is strong.! wahaha.. i so nice rite, write gd things for them. must thank me! xP hahas..
had band. the marching was super farny ler.. march den go faster dem every1 infront started running den my line run den percussion behind cannot run den the gap so far apart lo.. haha. but also damn tired. hope the parade not disastrous.. haha.. n my rank is 1st SGT!!!!! woohoo~!! so nice. den notice all the percussionist get 1st SGT also.. so kind ler the sect leader.. =p hahs..

n thanks val for everything.. althogh our section is a neglected one, ur the most kindest sect leader ive seen.. always so patient,tolerating, kind n thanx for copying the march cards.. n for promoting me to 1st SGT de. ur the best man. thanx again worx!! =))

so tink stop here de.. too tired.. but tink like cannot sleep. nvm. tink do maths lor, to go sleep. k nar..~byezz.

-a chapter closes. a new one awaits.